This question is one that I actually skipped over last week (bad me!) because I had no idea how to answer it. I'm still not really sure, but I figured it's a great opportunity for some free writing, so let's just see what happens.

It is the end of your life and you are up on stage being presented with a major award. What award is it, and what have you won it for?

It's the end of my life...that's the first part that struck me. I mean, I have no idea how much time will pass between now and then. Will I have written lots of books? Will anyone know I write books? Will I have grandchildren? Great-grandchildren? I think it's that last one that I'd like to be known for.

I mean, not necessarily having them, but knowing that my family that I've worried over is doing well and is continuing to live after I'm gone is a pretty special thing. I don't really need an award to be proud of my children, to know that I've had my moments of failings, but that I've done my best to raise them to be good men. That's important to me. I want them to be successful, to be happy, but it's important to me that they're also good. So perhaps, in my last days, if someone were to give me an award, it would be a crayon drawing that says Best Mom in the World on it with squiggly little signatures and lots of hugs.






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Wow, holy long time no prompt, huh? This whole coronavirus thing has knocked me sideways. First my kids were sent home from college, then there was a lot of back and forth as to where they'd be staying and now that we've sorted all that out, I'm trying to get back to some sort of schedule. So...on to the prompt!

If you had been able to choose, would you rather have been an only child or part of a very large family?

This one is tough. My childhood was a bit wonky and though I'm the oldest of five, I'm not close to any of them and one of them I've never even met. I grew up in the same house with one sister and a brother lived nearby with my mother. So, I guess I was part of a middle sized family. If I had to choose...well...based on my family history, I think I'd go with only child. I felt so left out of things as a kid that I felt like I was alone a lot of the time anyway. Plus, let's face it...less kids means more tacos for me!






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Last week I told you a story about my youngest son. Today's is all about a trip my oldest and I took together a couple of summers ago.

When was the last time you got lost?

In today's age with a gps built right into my phone, it's not often that I get lost. Trust me though to find an exception. A couple of summers ago, my oldest son, Ben, and I were headed down by Detroit to watch one of his friends play baseball. The weather was lovely and off we headed. We were doing really well, making good time, until we came across a train stopped on the tracks. Since we were limited on time, I decided to go around...and that's when it happened.

The turn I took didn't lead to where I thought it was going to. We were in the middle of nowhere and suddenly my phone lost signal. I was trying to keep positive so I joked that we were on an adventure. I got to the end of a road and took a left. Luckily, it led to a place called Turkeyville. Unluckily, my stomach had started acting up and I badly needed to find a bathroom. We pulled into the parking lot, but they were closed. No worries, a girl was walking across the parking lot. Surely she'd let me use the bathroom since it was becoming an emergency and then give me directions to the freeway. Nope. She acted as if she didn't hear me calling out repeatedly to her.

As I watched her go inside the building, my confidence was a bit shaken, but just then an rv pulled out from a side road. Since those often head towards civilization, I decided to follow it. Just a few miles down the road was a golf club. I was never so happy to see a sport I don't love. I pulled in and told Ben to wait in the car. I hurried inside to use the bathroom but before I was done, I heard Ben in the hall asking someone for a bandaid. Ut-oh...someone hadn't listened. Turns out he had come in and tripped on the sidewalk and skinned up his knee. Luckily for us, the gear shop had a first aid kit and got him fixed up while I got directions. Turns out I was only about a half mile from the freeway! Whew!

There were a few more small adventures before we got to the baseball tournament, but at least we weren't lost again!






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Hey, everyone! Some of you may have noticed that the site got really quiet for about a month. It turns out that my little cough turned into pneumonia and knocked me out for about five weeks. I did little more than lay on the couch and watch tv. I didn't have the concentration to read, to work, anything. To say it was frustrating is probably the understatement of the new year. Finally though, after six weeks or so, I've been told by the doctor that my lung x-rays are clear again. Yay! Of course, after doing a bit of shoveling, I do have a cough creeping back in, but I'm going to be keeping a close eye on it.

Now that I'm better, it's time to make some plans for 2020! I finished the first draft of Nevermore at the end of 2019 and I'm waiting for notes from Nick. I hear there are a lot of them...erk! That's okay though. It's just going to make me a better writer. I also finished Tales from the Toy Store and sent that out to some beta readers. I should have some notes back on that soon and then Eric Cockrell and I will be working together to add some art before working on a launch.

On the editing side, I'm currently accepting projects. Being sick really hurt my finances. On top of that, I just love proofreading and editing. I can't wait to dive into some new projects. If you're looking for someone, don't hesitate to reach out.

Now, it's about time for me to be mom. My oldest, Ben, is doing Special Olympics basketball and it's practice night. His first tournament is this weekend, so wish us luck!






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It's been a while since I've posted here (there will be a post coming to explain) and it feels really good to be back! Today's question brought a smile to my face because attached is a happy memory.

What stupid question have you heard someone ask (or asked yourself)?

Probably about four years ago, I used to go to the park and lay by the river on the blanket to unwind and read. I was laying there one day when my youngest son called me from a friend's house. I don't remember why. I just remember that he was going to have to call me back with more information on whatever it was he was asking about. I told him to call me back and then it happened...he asked me if I had my phone with me. I could hear his friend and his friend's mom laughing in the background. Without hesitating, I asked, "You mean the one you called me on?" He felt dumb, but honestly, it's one of my favorite memories. He's a smart, talented kid and it's nice when something silly happens with him. It's good to be reminded that he's a kid. Well, was a kid. He's nearly 19 now and in college. He's grown up fast, but luckily I still have these memories with him.





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I'll confess that I saw a sneak peek of this week's prompt and all week I've avoided thinking about it because it causes anxiety. I'm not at a point in my life/mental health journey that I let myself think long term. But, I'm going to try to relax and just write...after all, that's the night before my 53rd birthday. Who knows what that time will bring?

This week's prompt:
Write a diary entry, dated 10 years in the future.

Well, happy birthday eve to me. There were times that you never thought you'd get here, but you did. The boys are all grown up and doing great. You have a daughter-in-law and grandkids are on the horizon. Do you remember being in high school, thinking you'd never have kids? It's funny now, but it wasn't at the time. You were already so damaged.

Here you are though. You've come through everything that the universe could throw at you and you have a thriving editing and writing career. You get to work with the best indie authors that there are and you're receiving fan emails asking when your next book will come out. Ten years ago, you were just getting started, afraid that you'd never finish that novel, but you did. You did and people loved it. Now, you have an entire series of young adult novels as well as your children's stories. You chose not to choose and it was the right decision. People doubted you. People said you couldn't do it and you did it anyway. You. Nobody else. I'm proud of you.

You've moved to a home that you love, in an area that you love, and you're surrounded by people who love and celebrate you. Life is good and that's because of you. You turned your life into what you wanted it to be and that, girl, is awesome.






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"The man" got me this fantastic book of writing prompts for our anniversary this year and I've been looking at it for a few weeks now. Why? Mostly because I've been swamped, but there's also been the tiniest bit of procrastination in there. Well, that ends today. He has believed in me longer than most and he truly believes that I have what it takes to be a great writer. I love him for that (and a ton of other reasons). So, starting today, my goal is to post a new question from the book on Thursday and then do some free writing under it. I think that we might all learn some things about me! Free writing without planning is a challenge for me so I'll be stretching outside of my comfort zone.

What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?
The answer to this 100% depends on who I'm with. If I'm with "the man", I love to snuggle up and talk or possibly watch something. We don't really get many lazy days so each one is pretty special. It'd be a day of just doing whatever we felt like doing and celebrating the freedom to do it. Now, if I'm with my boys, it probably involves playing games, watching movies, and just catching up on each other's lives. On my own? These are especially hard for me because I'm really not good at relaxing. I feel guilty if I'm being lazy. I never could understand why my ex-husband would accuse me of being lazy. It's like he had no idea who he was talking to. Anyway..lol...if I could have a perfect lazy day, it would involve me sitting in the shade of some trees with my feet dangling in the water while I read a good book. I'd be out in nature enjoying one of my favorite things. I have dreams of finding a cabin somewhere that I could escape to for a week or two of writing, enjoying nature, and reading. Maybe wandering through the woods taking some pictures...I've yet to make it happen, but it's still my dream every summer.

What about you? What's your favorite way to spend a lazy day?






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I've been looking at my screen for probably ten minutes, trying to find the words to say what's in my heart this morning. This morning of my oldest son's high school graduation. I never imagined that I'd be one of those moms who had to fight tears just seeing her son in his cap and gown, but here I am. I am totally one of those moms and I'm not ashamed to admit that.

You see, just over 18 years ago, when my tiny 5 pound 6 ounce baby boy came into this world, I never thought the years would fly by as fast as they have. It feels as if I just closed my eyes for a moment and here we are. When I was a young mom, I'd chuckle to myself when people would tell me this would happen. How could 18 years go by in the blink of an eye? Yet somehow they have.

I've watched this tiny baby grow up into a young man who is taller than I am. I've watched him take on every challenge life has handed him head on. I've watched him make friends and then realize that not everyone will be nice to you. I've sat back and watched while he dealt with bullying because he needed to know how to advocate for himself, even though I wanted to go up to the kids and shake them. I've watched him make what I think will be lifelong connections. I've watched him go from one grade level to the next, watched him make that transition to high school, and now I get to watch him graduate with a diploma.

When he was younger, I was warned that him graduating with a diploma might not be possible. His disabilities may prevent it. Instead, I watched him work hard. I watched as he would go over things and then go over them even more to try to do his best. I watched as he took his love of sports that he couldn't play and turn it into 4 varsity letters for managing the very sports that he loves. Ben will never be one to be happy sitting on the sidelines. He's a fighter. He's a hard worker. He's one great guy and I'm so proud to be his mom.

I don't know how this...

Ben at an Early On party.

went to this...

Ben joined the Varsity Football team in 2016!

and now to this...

Ben at the 2018 Senior Breakfast.

But somehow it's happened and while 18 years is, in theory, a long time, I wouldn't go back and change one single moment of being his mom. Congratulations, Ben! I hope you know just how proud of you I am.

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So many of my friends are posting about how this is the last work day of 2017 for them. I love how some of them are posting how they're going to kick butt today and make it a great day at the office. For some, it isn't the last work day of the year but for all of us, it's the end of the year winding down in a hurry. As I look towards 2018, I wanted to take a few minutes and write down some goals for the coming year. I don't really do resolutions but 2017 was such a big year for us that I want to carry that momentum into the new year.

I have different goals for different areas of my world, so let's get started with a breakdown:

House:
1. Complete the downsizing and organizing of the downstairs.
2. Complete the downsizing and organizing of the landing.
3. Complete the downsizing, cleaning, and organizing of my bedroom.

Outside:
1. Clean and organize the barn.
2. Tidy up back deck.
3. Start preparing things for moving (packing up pots, etc)

Family:
1. Attend more things as a family.
2. Work towards both boys graduations.
3. Spend one on one time with both boys.

Writing:
1. Complete 2 full novels.
2. Set up a mailing list and have 1,000 subscribers.
3. Spend 1-2 hours each week learning things to help improve as an indie writer.

Personal:
1. Post on Welcoming Weight Loss at least 2x per month.
2. Work on plans for the "big move".
3. Be brave - this one isn't measurable but I know that there will be bad brain days and this goal is more about survival than about improvement.

So, there we go. I think all of these are attainable. I just need to find the focus that sometimes alludes me. I look at that writing goal list and I realize that I have a goal that I'm afraid to post. That tells me that it's a goal that's important to me and that's a good reason to get it added to the list. So...not so top secret writing goal #4: Make enough money from writing to replace the small amount of child support that I receive each month because it's going to be going away.

If you want to make your own goal list but don't know where to start, I want to recommend this great podcast/blog post done by Russell Nohelty. He doesn't know it, but he's kind of my hero when it comes to these things. Make sure you check out his site and his books.

Time for me to get to work!



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2017 is almost gone. Can you believe it? I know that I can't. It seems like just last week we were watching the ball drop and then the boys and I went back to playing games for a while before I chased them off to bed. But, here we are and since it's been a pretty big year around here, I thought that it was the perfect time for a year in review post. Positive things only because I don't think it's healthy for any of us to dwell on the negatives...just take what you can from them and move on. It's all any of us can do and remain (mostly) sane.

So, how did we do? Read on to find out!

Roger -
This kid had a pretty huge year. Back in the Spring, he was chosen not only for the Thornapple Jazz Festival All Star band, but also for the District 10 MSBOA All Star Jazz band. As if that wasn't enough, as soon as school was out, he attended the Aquinas Jazz camp and followed it up by leaving for Dominica less than 36 hours later. We both want to say thank you to those who helped get him there. It was an expensive trip and he couldn't have done it without his sponsors. While there, he helped remove fishing line from the coral reefs, went scuba diving, and studied invasive species which included catching and measuring tiny lizards and all sorts of things. It was an amazing experience for him and he still talks about it!

Since he's been back, he hasn't exactly rested on his laurels. He now has a job working at the local movie theatre, is an officer in Business Professionals of America, and is an honor student. As if that wasn't enough, he was/is leadership in his high school band and helped out a lot with marching band. Jazz season is upon us now and he's lead tenor in the high school jazz band. Perhaps most exciting for this Fall was his auditioning and being chosen to play with the Kalamazoo Youth Jazz Orchestra. Needless to say, he's one busy kid and this mom is a tiny bit relieved that he'll have his driver's license soon.

Ben -

Not one to let his brother look busier than him, Ben dove into working with the high school varsity teams again this year. He started the year with his second year of managing the varsity boys basketball team. It wasn't the most stellar of seasons, but his work running the camera for all of their games was highly praised. As soon as basketball wrapped for the year, he jumped right into working with the baseball team. It was a lot of hiking to the field, but he made some really good friends who helped out with rides and really enjoyed being outside and wearing the "infamous" duck hat. You'll have to ask him about that...lol

Summer came and found Ben working out at the YMCA summer camp, helping out in their kitchens. He really enjoyed it and learned some great skills that he can continue to hone. Once school came around again, Ben started his senior year. Yep, this kid is graduating this year! He worked hard with the football team, joined the Key Club, and helps out wherever he can. On top of that, he got to attend two Michigan State football games to cheer on his Spartans. We're back in the swing of basketball season and if he's not behind the camera, he's at practice encouraging the guys to work hard and to rebound.

Katrina -
As for me, I'm tired just writing about everything my boys did this past year. I know that I probably missed a few things too! As Ben says, "in all my free time", I was blessed to work with Nick and we published not one, but two books. Nick is an amazing storyteller and I am truly honored that he invited me into a universe that he created and said, "Here, it's yours now. Have fun." I'm incredibly proud of The Tether : None Good and The Tether : Except One. 

While most of my time belongs to getting the boys where they need to be or attending their events, I have also written a supplemental "novella" to go alongside books 1 and 2. In fact, with any luck, I'll be sending it off to Nick tonight for him to check out and to give me feedback on. I have some ideas for it that I'm hoping our readers will really like.

Looking back at 2017, my year doesn't look nearly as impressive as my boys, but knowing that I'm a big part of their years makes it all worth it. I'm looking forward to another "action packed" year. There will be more sports, more jazz, and more books and I'm thankful that I get to share those moments with all of you.





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Today I dropped off the youngest at Jazz Camp for the week and as I drove away, it struck me just how independent he's become. As soon as we'd collected his things from the car, he took off for the dorm and forgot I was even there in his excitement to reconnect with his friends from last year. After I gave him his things, he joined his friends and didn't even look up as I left.  Please don't get me wrong, he wasn't rude or disrespectful. He was ready to move on with this coming week. He was ready for this next mini chapter.

Tonight, idly looking at house listings, I started to wonder how ready I am. In 11 months, my oldest will graduate from high school.  He's nervous about it and I spent some time tonight talking about options with him. There's a local trade school especially for disabled people. They have a program that he might be interested in. I'll need to see if they do job placement or anything like that because if they don't, the program he's interested in is fairly useless.

Still, it got him thinking about changes too. He knows that after his brother graduates from high school, I have to move. We talked today about places I could move to. He asked me where I had friends because I don't have any here. He told me that he doesn't care where I move because it's my life and I have to be happy. It made me smile to hear such an adult thought come from him. He's growing up and I can no longer deny that both him and his brother are on the verge of adulthood. It won't be long before they'll be doing their own things and where will that leave me?

Creating a whole new world for myself.  For nearly 18 years now, I've been mom. That's been my role, my title, and my life. Soon though, I'll be having to make the tough decisions and trying to decide what's best, not for them, but for myself. In theory, I could move anywhere in the world. In reality, I think I'd better stay in this country..heh... That being said, there's a lot of country out there. I could stay nearby wherever the boys are. I could move somewhere random. There's also ...well, I don't really talk about this, but there's a man that I've fallen for and right now, circumstances outside of our control don't allow for us to be together, but who knows, maybe we might find ourselves in closer proximity.

That's a lot of well maybes, huh? There's also the question of what do I do with myself when mom isn't my full-time gig. I would really like to write and to make enough to be able to start paying off old bills. Wouldn't that be smashing? I think so. Of course, it means educating myself as to how to promote my writing better so that people know it exists. A friend on Facebook posted the other night that he met an author who makes about $60k a month (I think, a month was the time frame) but also spends $5-10k during that same time frame on advertising. That's a great return, but I have no way of investing that kind of money into myself. Is it possible to start the ball rolling without spending that kind of money? I have no idea. I guess that's where educating myself comes in.

So, here we are...about 2 years until I have to be moving on from where I'm at and a lot of decisions to make, a lot of work to do, and a lot of finding me that needs to happen before then.



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Five years ago today I got the call that would lead to the end of something that had started 10 months previously. Looking back, I think I can say that it was the day that I finally lost myself after the previous 5 years of fighting to find myself again. I suppose that I ought to give some background so that this makes sense to someone other than me...

In 2005, Peter and I agreed that it was time for a divorce. In June 2006, the divorce was finalized. Memorial Day weekend 2017, I left the house that we had bought together and everything I knew to move to New York. To say that I was lost is perhaps the understatement of the century. I left behind everything I knew and in some ways, my very identity. For the 10 years or so before that, I had been known as Peter's wife. Since 2000, I had been someone's mom. There was no me outside of those two roles. I didn't have any local friends. The only people I socialized with were online.

For the next five or six years, I fought to figure out who I was without being someone's wife or mother. (Of course, I was still the boy's mom but I had made the heartbreaking decision to leave the boys with their dad because he had the job, the money, the insurance, and the location where all of Ben's team were located.) I missed almost an entire semester of school due to a depression so bad that it crippled me and gave me panic attacks whenever I tried to get into the car to go anywhere. I ended up in therapy that was mostly useless because the therapist decided that my entire issue was that I was lonely. I wasn't lonely, I was lost.

I did finish that semester of school by some tiny miracle, dropping most of my classes, and having some incredibly understanding instructors. I finished the following year as well and while it improved, I never really shook that depression. Later, I would be diagnosed as Bipolar II. I graduated with honors with a degree in Psychology and was once again faced with the idea of having nowhere to go. The people I had been renting from wanted me out and I wanted out. The atmosphere was unhealthy on almost every level. In the end, I decided to "come home". I needed to be back with my boys. I found a house to rent in Sunfield, about 25 miles from them. It wasn't perfect but it was at least within driving distance. I threw myself back into being their mother. I drove (and still do) every day to town to do homework with one or both of them. I went (and still go) to all of their events. This was a me that I knew.

Slowly, piece by piece, I recovered from losing the world that I knew and I started to build up a new one. I was finding me again. I started writing again. I started crafting again. I slowly purged the things that I had accumulated and that I really had no need for. I felt as if I had close friends, even if they again lived nowhere near me. I started working out and eating better. In fact, I think I lost close to 75 pounds and for the first time in a long time, didn't hate myself when I looked in the mirror.

My Grandparents

Then, my world started to crumble again. The only person who I had ever felt loved me unconditionally got sick and suddenly everyone was leaning on me for strength and acted as if I could somehow magically fix it. I should have been stronger. I should have said no, but I didn't. They knew what cards to play. They reminded me how she'd taken me in when my own parents didn't want me. Before I knew it, I was spending almost every weekend at her house cleaning, organizing, purging, sorting and with my poor boys in tow. It wasn't fair to me and it wasn't fair to them, but the guilt laid on me was too much for me to say no to.

I stopped working out. I stopped cooking because I was tired and stressed and I was starting to crack around the edges. I was trying to keep everything normal but nothing was normal and the guilt of the fact that I was dragging my children into it added to everything. Five years ago today, my grandmother died after being sick for 10 months. I'm not going to lie. I was glad. I was glad that she was no longer suffering and I was glad that it was over. Except, for me, it wasn't over.

For the next six weeks, my family would guilt me into going through ever box that had been packed and sorting it into things they could sell and things they could toss. I was exposed to their greed, their hypocrisy, and their selfishness. They were allowed to mourn but I was expected to work. During that six weeks, I was pushed to my breaking point and at the end, when I finally had the strength or perhaps the desperation to say no more, it was too late. I had lost myself again. I had lost myself and I had lost the few close "local" friends that I had thought I'd had. I went home and buried myself..literally.

Boxes and boxes of her things had made their way to my house either because I'd brought them there or because they'd been dumped there. On top of that, I had started to surround myself with stuff in a desperate effort to feel some sort of security. In the years that followed, it would only get worse. There are very few who know the true conditions that I was living in and in some ways, still live in. I wish I could explain how this was "okay" to me but I can't because it wasn't. The worse the house got, the worse I felt. The guilt, the anxiety, all of it overwhelmed me until I was crippled and frozen by it.

Five years ago, I lost myself again and I'm just starting to find myself. Some of you have seen the tag Reclaiming Me either here or on Facebook. That's a very real thing for me.  Just over a year ago, I started purging my house again. I've backslid at times and made huge strides at others. Eight months ago, Nick convinced me to work with him on a book series. When he brought it up in exchange for doing something for me, we both knew that it wasn't a fair deal but neither of us cared. I think he knew I needed to push myself, that I needed a challenge and as for me, I felt ready to take that challenge. Oh, I've had major bouts of anxiety and self doubt since that agreement, but I finished book one and it's had good feedback.

Five years is a long time and I'm not back to the place I was before it happened. I wish that I could say that I was, but I'm not. Every day is a challenge on some level. Today, I woke up and my power was still out because of a wind storm yesterday. I was cold, tired from waking up repeatedly because i was cold, emotional because of today's anniversary and while what I really wanted was to have a message saying I love you, I had one that felt harsh...harsher than it really was but a tired me is a vulnerable me. I'm not going to lie. I laid on the couch for an hour and just cried. The world felt like it was just too much for me. Just thinking about it has me in tears again. This morning I relived the loss of everything that mattered to me and it's still in my head... but I got up, changed into jeans, and drove to someplace warm that had outlets so I could recharge things in case there's still no power when I get home tonight.

Five years is a long time, but it isn't forever and today I'm a little bit stronger than I was then. Today, I got up off the couch. Today, I walked out my front door. Today, I wrote this. Tomorrow, I will write more. Two years from now, I will make a final decision on where I'm moving to and hopefully, I will have the courage to do it. I know where I want to be at that point. It's not just up to me though, but today, under the fear and the emotions, there is hope.



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Edit: This was written a week ago, but for reasons..yes, reasons...I waited until today to post it.



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If you're friends with me on Facebook, you probably recognize the image to the left. It's the incredible design that was made for us by Nick Davis of Alt-World Studios. I bet some of you even know why I asked him to make it for us. I'm writing here today for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about though...

If you've been around for a while, you know that I have two boys. Today, I want to tell you about my youngest. His name is Roger and he's 15 years old. He's also a musician and an honors student. As part of his science honors courses, he was invited to go on a science research trip to Dominica next summer. It's one of those amazing once in a life time opportunities. Sadly, it also comes with an amazing price tag. One that I've told him that I will help him find a way to pay.

You see, I wasn't given many opportunities when I was his age and I know the value of a trip like this. It's his chance to explore the world, to learn about a region about as different from here as you can get. It will give him an opportunity to work in a scientific environment with people of all different nationalities. If we want to get practical, it will look incredibly good on college resumes. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity that not everyone gets to have but it's here in front of us and I want to make it happen for him.

Working Hard During Summerfest

Most of you know that right now I'm not capable of working outside of the house. That doesn't mean that I don't work..I do. I work for a friend of mine writing tweets for companies every week. The pay helps keep gas in the car but it's certainly not enough to cover something like this and as his mom, I'm willing to do what I can to help him make his dream come true.

I say help him because whenever he can, he takes his tenor sax into town and plays outside of restaurants. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed my #SaxOnTheStreets photos. Those are all of him doing what he does. People have been great about throwing a dollar or two into his case, but it just isn't enough.


Here's where I'm hoping you can come in. He has set up a GoFundMe at www.sendrogertosea.com as part of our efforts. Some friends have donated some great reward tiers so it's not "money for nothing." You will get something in return...an awesome reward and our undying gratitude. He also has shirts and other items for sale over at TeePublic and gets a small amount for each item sold. If you're at all local to Hastings, MI or the surrounding area, he has an ongoing can drive going.

We're not giving up until this is paid for...but it would be a lot easier if folks would help out by donating (a direct donation can be made via PayPal to close2midnight at gmail.com) or spreading the word. The more eyes that get on things, the easier it is.

Thanks guys for reading and for helping a mama out!



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What does a blogger do when an amazing friend surprises you with a box full of British chocolates? You collect up a kid and do a taste testing for "review" purposes! In this case, Ben was more than willing to help me delve deep into the box and choose two candies to try out. I know that it's a real struggle and trial for him, but he seems to be pretty good natured about it.

Today's choices are the Cadbury's Double Decker bar and the Cadbury's Daim Eggs. Since he's being so good natured about this, I let him choose and I'll reveal his opinions first.

Cadbury Daim Egg (Solid Milk Chocolate Eggs with Caramel Almond Pieces) : 

Ben - This doesn't taste like Hersheys but it's good. I could taste a lot of caramel and the nuts. The chocolate was sweeter than what we usually eat. It might be too sweet for me.

Mom - I agree with Ben. It is certainly more sweet and I was immediately hit with the caramel flavor. However, I never got the almond pieces. Perhaps I was expecting something a bit chunkier when it came to the nuts, though. Overall, it's honestly a piece of candy that I could have one of, enjoy and be good for the rest of the day. It might be great for those trying to cut back on candy consumption!

Cadbury Double Decker Bar (Layers of crispy cereal and nougatine wrapped in delicious Cadbury milk chocolate. )

Ben - I enjoyed this one better than the other one. I liked the crunchiness of the cookie portion. It wasn't as sweet, either. I could eat this for breakfast every day, even if it's not healthy.

Mom - I agree with Ben, again! (Wow, agreeing with a teenager twice in a row has to be a new record of some sort!) This one certainly wasn't anywhere near as sweet as the Daim. Thank goodness! When I tried the nougatine (that so sounds like nicotine in my head), I got a very strong flavor of coffee and even after eating it together, I was left with a coffee aftertaste in my mouth. Oddly enough, while the individual components had good flavor, when combined, it mellowed out into something that wouldn't stick out in my mind.

All in all, British chocolate is in a class all its own and we're looking forward to trying out all of the other flavors in this box!



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Ben,

I took this picture of you only a few short months ago and yet to me, you look so little like this. You've grown so much since then. You're no longer a boy, but a young man and that shows every time I look at you.

I wanted to be there today. I wanted to be the one to drop you off at school and make sure that everything was okay. For reasons outside of your control, I couldn't be, but please know that I so badly wanted to be.

I know that you were nervous about going to the high school. It's a bigger building and you were worried you wouldn't know where to go and that the classes would be so much harder than the ones in middle school. I don't worry though because you have always been my fighter. You may have been born early and born small, but you were born a fighter. You have never given up. You continue to grow stronger every day. You're no longer my tiny 5 pound 6 ounce baby boy. You're growing so tall and now that you're working out, you're growing so much stronger.

It's more than physical strength though. You have an inner strength that puts my own to shame. Every step of your life it has been you that has pushed yourself to new and harder things. When you mastered walking, it was you that took on climbing stairs. When you've struggled with something, it's been you who has said, "Mom, will you help me with this?" To say I'm proud of you is an understatement.

I know you worry about the classes, but I see that glimmer of excitement that comes whenever we have a new subject to tackle. You may not feel smart, but you are far smarter than you think. It's that inner strength that keeps pushing you to learn more and to improve every single marking period and in some ways, that's far better than having things come easily. You already know what it means to have to work for things and that will serve you well in life.

Ben, right now, you may feel like a little fish in a rather large pond, but remember that fish rarely swim alone. You have so many that love and support you. There's me, your dad, Megan, Coach, your brother and others who are right there with you every step of the way. Your classmates are there too and I bet they're just as nervous today as you are but you've always looked out for each other and that isn't going to change. There are the girls on the swim team who will help you if you get lost. There's Mr Holk who you knew way back in elementary school. You're not alone and you never will be.

You're growing up so fast and before I know it, it's going to be your first day of college. I hope that you take this time to truly enjoy what life has to offer. I am so proud of you. You've gone from being my tiny baby to being a young man, manager of the swim team, athlete and so much more. You have amazing things waiting for you, but they'll wait because every day is your day. Shine in it.

Love,
Mom





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It started out as an ordinary day for Esther Comely-Cox, if you consider simultaneously totaling your car, smashing a Ho Ho in your face and meeting a handsome doctor ordinary.

Estranged from her family over her sister's mental illness and death, Esther can't help but feel alone. And when Esther hears the voice of her twin sister who committed suicide seven years ago, she begins to question her own sanity, leading her to wonder if anything is what it seems. Searching for answers, Esther must confront her past while looking towards a new future—one in which she is finally accepted.

Through humor and heartbreak, Esther learns that blood does not mean family, that absence does not make the heart grow fonder and that silence can speak volumes.

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It's rare that I rate a book 5 out of 5, but if I had to pick a number for this book, it would be a 6. Why? I would say because it touched on so many aspects of my life and did it in a way that I felt as if I knew the characters in the book. I am very much estranged from my family, not for the same reasons as Esther, but for reasons not so far off. There were times, in the book, where something would happen and I just wanted to hug her and tell her that not everyone thought like that. I too deal with mental illness and know how it can affect those around you. Esther is a super hero as far as I'm concerned. Don't wait to stumble upon this book. Go out and get it. If for no other reason than it might just change your world.



I received a copy of this book for the purpose of this review.  All thoughts, comments and opinions are my own.

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I don't write much here anymore. Sure, I try to keep it filled with book reviews and if I'm honest, most of the time, I miss writing. Writing is a part of my soul, but it's been a part that I've had to put on the back burner while I dealt with other things. Then, something happened...and it opened my eyes just a little bit wider..

You see, I just returned from spending a week in Canada with one of the most amazing people that I know. I know that I've mentioned him here before. His name is Rob and we've been friends for something like seven years now.  Sometimes it feels like I've known him a blink of an eye and others for a lifetime. He's just one of those people who came into my life and it was as if there was a perfect Rob shaped space that he slid right into. In all that's happened, there has been a comfort knowing that whatever happens, he's in my life for good. I can't imagine us not knowing each other.

Now, before I gush on too much and make y'all think that I'm in love with the man or that we've secretly snuck off to the Canadian version of Vegas (is there such a thing?), let me just say that he really is one of my best friends and if I take sneaky pictures of his backside, that's my business. *grins* Seriously though. Rob is amazing. For starters, he has lost an entire person over the course of the past year or so. I cannot begin to tell you how proud of him I am. He looks seriously amazing and I can tell just how much it's helped his health and has bled into so many other areas of his life.  If that wasn't enough, he's also really taking control of his life and starting to live it for him and his children and nobody else. I've long said (and yes, said it to myself, as well) that you have to live for you before you can add in anyone else. Like me, he had that a bit reversed for a while. It's exciting to watch as he rediscovers aspects of himself.

Folks, that's just what I got to spend a week doing. I got to watch as he puttered around his new apartment, making it just how he wants it. He asked my opinion of where he had things stored and I couldn't help but smile as I told him that it was his place. It only had to work for him. I'd find things if I needed them. I got to listen as he talked about his struggles and yes, preened a bit over his accomplishments. It reminded me of how far I've come and how far I have yet to go. It inspired me. He inspired me.

So, here I am...back at the keyboard because I wanted to put all of this down into words. I'm not sure that I'm really doing it proper justice..just how much that time meant to me...but my heart knows and for once, my head is right on board with it. Every time a negative thought peeks its head in, I'm reminded of how he told me to take away the memories of a good weekend together..I remember and I smile. I'm also taking the inspiration and I'm using it. They may be tiny little things to the "average" person, but to me, they're steps in the right direction...

Since I've been home, I've:

• not left things sitting in the van to be dealt with later.
• stopped drinking most anything other than water.
• hauled out more bags of trash than I'm going to admit to here.
• gotten my new nightstands into place and organized them.
• flipped my mattress and put clean bedding on it.

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Woops! It looks like I missed a couple of weeks there. Life got crazy with the start of football practices and all of the work that we've been doing around the house and I totally forgot to sit down and get the weekly post done! I did have menu plans though and I have to say that it's been wonderful knowing just what's for dinner each night and yet still being flexible enough to move things around when we need to. Of course, Ben doesn't agree to the moving things around. He loves routines, schedules and knowing exactly what's going on. Hopefully, he likes this week's menu!

Monday - Pizza
Tuesday - Chili
Wednesday - Cheeseburgers
Thursday - Chicken and Dumplings
Friday - Shepherd's Pie
Saturday - Out
Sunday - Lasagna



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I'm so excited about menu planning and cooking again. It feels wonderful to be more like the me that I know I can be. Thank god for the medication that is helping me do this. I never thought that I would be one to want medication, but I always said if you need it, then you need it and once I got past my fears, I realized that I needed it. Enough about that though...on to the menu!

Monday: BBQ Chicken w/ corn on the cob
Tuesday: Brat Burgers
Wednesday: Shrimp Scampi
Thursday: Shepherd's Pie
Friday: Stromboli




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