It's been a while since I've posted here (there will be a post coming to explain) and it feels really good to be back! Today's question brought a smile to my face because attached is a happy memory.

What stupid question have you heard someone ask (or asked yourself)?

Probably about four years ago, I used to go to the park and lay by the river on the blanket to unwind and read. I was laying there one day when my youngest son called me from a friend's house. I don't remember why. I just remember that he was going to have to call me back with more information on whatever it was he was asking about. I told him to call me back and then it happened...he asked me if I had my phone with me. I could hear his friend and his friend's mom laughing in the background. Without hesitating, I asked, "You mean the one you called me on?" He felt dumb, but honestly, it's one of my favorite memories. He's a smart, talented kid and it's nice when something silly happens with him. It's good to be reminded that he's a kid. Well, was a kid. He's nearly 19 now and in college. He's grown up fast, but luckily I still have these memories with him.





If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

2017 is almost gone. Can you believe it? I know that I can't. It seems like just last week we were watching the ball drop and then the boys and I went back to playing games for a while before I chased them off to bed. But, here we are and since it's been a pretty big year around here, I thought that it was the perfect time for a year in review post. Positive things only because I don't think it's healthy for any of us to dwell on the negatives...just take what you can from them and move on. It's all any of us can do and remain (mostly) sane.

So, how did we do? Read on to find out!

Roger -
This kid had a pretty huge year. Back in the Spring, he was chosen not only for the Thornapple Jazz Festival All Star band, but also for the District 10 MSBOA All Star Jazz band. As if that wasn't enough, as soon as school was out, he attended the Aquinas Jazz camp and followed it up by leaving for Dominica less than 36 hours later. We both want to say thank you to those who helped get him there. It was an expensive trip and he couldn't have done it without his sponsors. While there, he helped remove fishing line from the coral reefs, went scuba diving, and studied invasive species which included catching and measuring tiny lizards and all sorts of things. It was an amazing experience for him and he still talks about it!

Since he's been back, he hasn't exactly rested on his laurels. He now has a job working at the local movie theatre, is an officer in Business Professionals of America, and is an honor student. As if that wasn't enough, he was/is leadership in his high school band and helped out a lot with marching band. Jazz season is upon us now and he's lead tenor in the high school jazz band. Perhaps most exciting for this Fall was his auditioning and being chosen to play with the Kalamazoo Youth Jazz Orchestra. Needless to say, he's one busy kid and this mom is a tiny bit relieved that he'll have his driver's license soon.

Ben -

Not one to let his brother look busier than him, Ben dove into working with the high school varsity teams again this year. He started the year with his second year of managing the varsity boys basketball team. It wasn't the most stellar of seasons, but his work running the camera for all of their games was highly praised. As soon as basketball wrapped for the year, he jumped right into working with the baseball team. It was a lot of hiking to the field, but he made some really good friends who helped out with rides and really enjoyed being outside and wearing the "infamous" duck hat. You'll have to ask him about that...lol

Summer came and found Ben working out at the YMCA summer camp, helping out in their kitchens. He really enjoyed it and learned some great skills that he can continue to hone. Once school came around again, Ben started his senior year. Yep, this kid is graduating this year! He worked hard with the football team, joined the Key Club, and helps out wherever he can. On top of that, he got to attend two Michigan State football games to cheer on his Spartans. We're back in the swing of basketball season and if he's not behind the camera, he's at practice encouraging the guys to work hard and to rebound.

Katrina -
As for me, I'm tired just writing about everything my boys did this past year. I know that I probably missed a few things too! As Ben says, "in all my free time", I was blessed to work with Nick and we published not one, but two books. Nick is an amazing storyteller and I am truly honored that he invited me into a universe that he created and said, "Here, it's yours now. Have fun." I'm incredibly proud of The Tether : None Good and The Tether : Except One. 

While most of my time belongs to getting the boys where they need to be or attending their events, I have also written a supplemental "novella" to go alongside books 1 and 2. In fact, with any luck, I'll be sending it off to Nick tonight for him to check out and to give me feedback on. I have some ideas for it that I'm hoping our readers will really like.

Looking back at 2017, my year doesn't look nearly as impressive as my boys, but knowing that I'm a big part of their years makes it all worth it. I'm looking forward to another "action packed" year. There will be more sports, more jazz, and more books and I'm thankful that I get to share those moments with all of you.





If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Today I dropped off the youngest at Jazz Camp for the week and as I drove away, it struck me just how independent he's become. As soon as we'd collected his things from the car, he took off for the dorm and forgot I was even there in his excitement to reconnect with his friends from last year. After I gave him his things, he joined his friends and didn't even look up as I left.  Please don't get me wrong, he wasn't rude or disrespectful. He was ready to move on with this coming week. He was ready for this next mini chapter.

Tonight, idly looking at house listings, I started to wonder how ready I am. In 11 months, my oldest will graduate from high school.  He's nervous about it and I spent some time tonight talking about options with him. There's a local trade school especially for disabled people. They have a program that he might be interested in. I'll need to see if they do job placement or anything like that because if they don't, the program he's interested in is fairly useless.

Still, it got him thinking about changes too. He knows that after his brother graduates from high school, I have to move. We talked today about places I could move to. He asked me where I had friends because I don't have any here. He told me that he doesn't care where I move because it's my life and I have to be happy. It made me smile to hear such an adult thought come from him. He's growing up and I can no longer deny that both him and his brother are on the verge of adulthood. It won't be long before they'll be doing their own things and where will that leave me?

Creating a whole new world for myself.  For nearly 18 years now, I've been mom. That's been my role, my title, and my life. Soon though, I'll be having to make the tough decisions and trying to decide what's best, not for them, but for myself. In theory, I could move anywhere in the world. In reality, I think I'd better stay in this country..heh... That being said, there's a lot of country out there. I could stay nearby wherever the boys are. I could move somewhere random. There's also ...well, I don't really talk about this, but there's a man that I've fallen for and right now, circumstances outside of our control don't allow for us to be together, but who knows, maybe we might find ourselves in closer proximity.

That's a lot of well maybes, huh? There's also the question of what do I do with myself when mom isn't my full-time gig. I would really like to write and to make enough to be able to start paying off old bills. Wouldn't that be smashing? I think so. Of course, it means educating myself as to how to promote my writing better so that people know it exists. A friend on Facebook posted the other night that he met an author who makes about $60k a month (I think, a month was the time frame) but also spends $5-10k during that same time frame on advertising. That's a great return, but I have no way of investing that kind of money into myself. Is it possible to start the ball rolling without spending that kind of money? I have no idea. I guess that's where educating myself comes in.

So, here we are...about 2 years until I have to be moving on from where I'm at and a lot of decisions to make, a lot of work to do, and a lot of finding me that needs to happen before then.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

This past Saturday was a long one. Roger and I were up at 5am so that we could join his high school steel drum band at a festival for the day. The festival was pretty awesome and I'll share a link to the mass band performance at the end of this post, but that isn't what I want to talk about...I'm going to sit here and I'm just going to write about being a mom.

For the longest time, mom has been my primary title. It's been my world and my life. Those two boys have been my world and my life. It's only been in the past little while that I've started thinking about what I'm going to do when they're gone and living their own lives. I still don't really know but I am thinking about it.

On Saturday, I had expectations. I expected that this was an event that Roger and I were doing together. Except, the event really wasn't what either of us had figured it was. So, instead of spending the day with me, he spent it with his band and with his friends. He did pretty much everything with them. He sat with them. He had lunch with them. Since this wasn't my usual group of band kids, I wasn't invited to join them. I ate lunch alone. I sat in the bleachers alone. I watched them laughing and inside, a part of me hurt. I was happy he was having a great time, but it still hurt that I was on the outside looking in.

Still, there were those moments where he was completely my boy...he ran over to me to make sure it was okay that he spent $5 of the money we'd set aside for his band trip. During the concert, he was sitting on the opposite side of the gym from me and I realized that we were sitting in the exact same position. He'd make faces at me from across the room and I couldn't help but smile.

What's the point of all this you ask? Just that Sunday, after his dad had picked him up, I was sitting there thinking about the weekend and I realized something. The very fact that he was confident and comfortable enough to not need me on Saturday meant that I had done my job. He may not know how to sew a button back on but he's learned the skills that will help him become the man that he wants to be and the fact that he'll still make goofy faces at me from across the room means that no matter how old he gets, he won't forget he's my kid. With that realization, I was filled with peace and that, my friends, is a very good thing indeed.

If you'd like to check out the mass band performance, check out this video!


If you'd like to hear the HHS Steel performance, head on over to my YouTube channel where it's almost all kids, all the time.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

If you're friends with me on Facebook, you probably recognize the image to the left. It's the incredible design that was made for us by Nick Davis of Alt-World Studios. I bet some of you even know why I asked him to make it for us. I'm writing here today for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about though...

If you've been around for a while, you know that I have two boys. Today, I want to tell you about my youngest. His name is Roger and he's 15 years old. He's also a musician and an honors student. As part of his science honors courses, he was invited to go on a science research trip to Dominica next summer. It's one of those amazing once in a life time opportunities. Sadly, it also comes with an amazing price tag. One that I've told him that I will help him find a way to pay.

You see, I wasn't given many opportunities when I was his age and I know the value of a trip like this. It's his chance to explore the world, to learn about a region about as different from here as you can get. It will give him an opportunity to work in a scientific environment with people of all different nationalities. If we want to get practical, it will look incredibly good on college resumes. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity that not everyone gets to have but it's here in front of us and I want to make it happen for him.

Working Hard During Summerfest

Most of you know that right now I'm not capable of working outside of the house. That doesn't mean that I don't work..I do. I work for a friend of mine writing tweets for companies every week. The pay helps keep gas in the car but it's certainly not enough to cover something like this and as his mom, I'm willing to do what I can to help him make his dream come true.

I say help him because whenever he can, he takes his tenor sax into town and plays outside of restaurants. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed my #SaxOnTheStreets photos. Those are all of him doing what he does. People have been great about throwing a dollar or two into his case, but it just isn't enough.


Here's where I'm hoping you can come in. He has set up a GoFundMe at www.sendrogertosea.com as part of our efforts. Some friends have donated some great reward tiers so it's not "money for nothing." You will get something in return...an awesome reward and our undying gratitude. He also has shirts and other items for sale over at TeePublic and gets a small amount for each item sold. If you're at all local to Hastings, MI or the surrounding area, he has an ongoing can drive going.

We're not giving up until this is paid for...but it would be a lot easier if folks would help out by donating (a direct donation can be made via PayPal to close2midnight at gmail.com) or spreading the word. The more eyes that get on things, the easier it is.

Thanks guys for reading and for helping a mama out!



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

It's officially winter here in Michigan and with winter comes such morning joys as frozen doors on the car. Last weekend, this happened to me. It didn't bother me too much because I only had Roger here and he's had a habit for a while of climbing over my seat to get into his in the middle of the van. So, not worrying about it, we loaded off and went into town to go to the store.

While at the store, it suddenly occurred to me that we were buying things that needed to go into the back of the van. What if that door were frozen shut? Well, I could probably get the middle door open if I fought with it enough. Wait, where would Roger sit then? I guess I could make an exception and let him ride up front this one time. After all, he's not old enough to sit in the front seat. I'd always told the boys that they had to be at least 12 or 13 for that...Wait...oh merciful heavens, my youngest child, my baby was now old enough to sit in the front seat.

Yes, that entire thought processed raced through my mind and I had a minor panic attack that my babies were growing up. Luckily, the back door opened and I never had to deal with the reality of him actually sitting next to me and not behind me in the van. Whew! One realization at a time, thank you very much!

So, I have to ask..How old were your kids when you first let them sit in the front seat? Did it make your parent heart twinge a little to see them growing up?



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Last week was our 2nd annual camping trip. I have to say that it was yet another fantastic time. With my life being so up in the air sometimes, it's just plain wonderful to have something that you just know is going to be amazing. Honestly, I'm already looking forward to next year's trip and that time spent with my family. Those that I consider family are a rather small group but I cannot imagine my life without them and any time that I get to take my boys and share new places with them is the highlight of any period of time.  Here are a few of the pictures that I took while we were gone:








If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

This isn't a new picture but it's one of my favorite ones right now. These three are my family and I don't know what I would do without them. I love them so much. I took this outside of Cracker Barrel on the day we took Justin back to the airport. This was the first time we took the boys along with us and watching their tears broke my heart just that much more. I am so glad though that we all love each other so much. We really are a family.







If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

It's been a really long time since I posted a time for me post here. Really, it's been way too long and today, I want to share with you something pretty special that I did with the boys today. I confess, it was mostly with Roger because Ben, while watching, was more focused on telling us just how gross this whole thing was. What was it? We made slime! Yep, I taught my children how to make slime. It's much better than the stuff you get for fifty cents and you can make it any color you want. I was asked to share the recipe, but before I do that, I want to show you a couple of pictures...



Roger made green slime and I made mine purple. Next time, I want to experiment with some darker shades. I wasn't sure just how washed out the color would become and as you can see, it's pretty pastel. Now, for the recipe:

Ingredients:
1 tsp Borax powder*
1 c water
4 oz white school glue
4 oz water (1/2 c)
Food coloring of your choice**

1. In a bowl, combine Borax with 1 cup of water and stir until the Borax is completely dissolved.
2. In a zip lock bag, combine the school glue, water and food coloring. The easiest way to do this is to empty a 4oz bottle of glue into the bag and then fill that bottle with water and pour it in.
3. Once the glue and water are thoroughly combined, pour in your Borax solution. The mixture will immediately start to look slimey and goopy.
4. Mix the two together. At some point, you will probably need to reach your hand in and start working it. For me, this is the best part! The more you work it, the more your slime will thicken up.
5. When you're done playing with it, store your bag of slime in the refrigerator. Borax is a natural bug repellent (great for use on carpet to get rid of fleas, by the way!) so you don't have to worry about bugs. If you live in a high mold count area though, it could grow mold. The biggest concern is it drying out, so when you're not playing with it, always keep it in a sealed container. Also food coloring can stain so be careful not to get it onto anything that it could mark.

* Borax is a laundry booster and be found in the laundry aisle. It's a powder and comes in a box.
** If you decide not to add food coloring to your slime, your slime will be white.




If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Some of you might recognize the kiddo below. That's Ben, my oldest. Tonight was his first ever choir concert. I snapped this picture in his dad's kitchen afterwards. Ben has cerebral palsy and as some of you know, photographing a special needs child can be difficult. In Ben's case, when he sees the camera, he grimaces (he thinks it's a smile). Tonight, I discovered the secret to getting a real smile from him. All I have to do is pretend to be my bossy gps and he starts laughing.


I love this kid. He did a fantastic job at his concert and I am so proud of him


PS For more tips on how to photograph special needs kiddos, check out this wonderful post by Ryan over at NoMoreBacon.
If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

This isn't the post that I had planned on writing today. I had planned on a lovely book review for all of you to read and maybe even go find so that you could read it yourself. That was my plan. Then, life happened.

Life has a way of happening to me. I spoke with an amazing friend today on the phone and even he commented that when something good happens to me, life seems to come along and try to knock me down. In the past, I've let it knock me down. I've let it knock me down, let it move forward and then I've struggled back to my feet. It somehow always seemed easier that way. Don't fight it, just let it happen and then move on.

Today, I didn't let it happen and move on. I had someone hurt my feelings and I told them that they hurt my feelings. It wasn't just my feelings. They hurt me. It was like a physical blow. It made me cry. Today, I stood up for myself and said hey, you hurt me. They never responded directly to me. Instead, there was a comment on Twitter directed towards a group we're both part of. All I can say is thank you. Thank you for showing me part of your true nature. Life happens.

Life happened 11+ years ago when my baby boy was born with Cerebral Palsy. It happened again yesterday when we had to go speak to a surgeon about lengthening his hamstrings. It happened while she lectured us on how we haven't been doing enough for him and if we didn't do what needed to be doing, surgery could make things worse. I left that office feeling like I was the worst mother in the history of parenthood. I have a son who is scared and in tears about having to have surgery and who just keeps wondering why he has to be different from his brother and I don't have the right answers. How do I explain this so he understands and feels good about himself? How do I tell the surgeon that he hasn't had therapy this summer because I don't have the money to take him?

Now, we have to make those big decisions. Do we get him the surgery? I think we've decided that we need to. When do we do it? His dad wants to do it during Christmas vacation because otherwise, he'll miss a week of school. Me? I'm torn between a) it seems a cruel Christmas gift b) but I'll lose a week of my time with him and c) Responsible parents sometimes don't do the popular thing. In the end, I know I'll go with c but sometimes I just want to shout to the heavens that it's not fair.

Life isn't fair. Life is life. Life is hard. Right now, life is leaving me feeling that I'm just not enough. I'm not enough friend. I'm not enough parent. I'm not enough house cleaner or organizer. That's what I'm hearing and feeling right now. Is it true? If I'm honest, I'm going to say partially. I could do better. I need to do better. I've let things slip. I've given in to doing what's easy instead of what needs to be done.

Here's the honest to goodness truth. I need help. Not in the, I'll come take your kid to therapy for you sense, but in the honest to goodness good friend sense. Sometimes, living out here in the middle of nowhere, I feel alone. Sometimes, I feel as if I'm the one who people come to but that I don't ever speak up and say hey, what about me? Sometimes, I'm the one who needs the hug or the shoulder to cry on. I'm not good at that. I was raised to be the strong one. I'm the one who is expected to fix everyone else. The problem with that..I don't fix me or my life. I forget about taking care of me. I need to take care of me and sometimes, just sometimes, I need to be taken care of.






If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

I don't know if you can see that tiny print over there on the left, but it says simplify. If you remember back, this was my theme for the year and while I've played with it some, I haven't really taken it seriously until recently.

What changed? I think part of it was a book that I read recently. In fact, if you were here yesterday, you saw the review that I wrote for it. It really got me thinking about how the boys and I are living our lives and what, as a parent, I'm teaching them.  Then, came the conversation with Roger (age 10) as he dramatically flopped across my bed one afternoon. The first words out of his mouth? "Mom, I'm bored." I thought, how could this kid be bored? There are 2 video game systems, hundreds of books, board games and toys in this house. There's a backyard to run around in. Then, it hit me. He's not bored. He's overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices he has.

So, we're making changes. One of the first changes has to do with computer time. Starting today, the boys are now limited to 3 hours each every day. I know this sounds like a lot and it is a lot. However, I'm weaning them off. Prior to today, the pair of them would probably spend twice that playing on the computer. Now, that's being cut in half which is a pretty heft change for two kids.

What's next? Well, today, instead of sitting online or watching tv, we're going to the lake. There's a nice (supposedly) beach about 20 minutes from here. After lunch, we're packing up and we're going to go check it out. We're going to play in the water for a few hours and then, after a quick stop to pick up some new shelving (thank you, Craig's List!) for our laundry room, we'll be home and spend the evening relaxing together.

That's something else that is changing for me. For a while now, I've been in full envy mode. I've envied other people's "perfect" houses and the nice items that they had. Now, I'm shaking my head at myself. I may not have the nicest items in the world, but I do have what's most important. I have my boys. I have a man who loves me and puts up with all of my silliness. I don't need new dishes. There is nothing wrong with the dishes that I do have. Of course, I also don't need the giant pile of towels that I discovered we had once we caught up on laundry. So, I'm passing a big bag of those on to some friends who do need them.

It's about simplicity. It's about getting back to basics. It's about setting goals for our family and achieving them. For the first time ever, my boys have a daily chore list. It's amazing how much we're getting done around the house.  Each night, I write the boys out a list of 6-9 things that they need to get done the following day. I place it on the table outside of their bedroom door and each day, they find it, do the items and cross them off of their list. Seeing those lines gives them a real sense of accomplishment and it's teaching them to be more responsible.  Already, I've noticed that they're picking things up when they're done so that they don't have to do a big clean up later.

Getting back to basics is a good thing and I honestly feel blessed that as we downsize, we can give things to those who need them. I'm passing towels and bedding onto Lindy and Paulie. I'm passing on a box of girls' books to my friend Lauren and her soon to be step-daughters. I know that Freecycle is going to get a few boxes of items very soon. As we have less, we feel as if we have more. It's a really good feeling.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Isn't that a dramatic title? I wonder if it's a song title. Shoot. Y'all know me. I have to go check to see if it is. Be right back....

Ok, I'm back. It turns out that it's not. The closest I came was Love on My Mind which is actually a pretty good song. In fact, just in case you wanted to hear it, I'm going to put it right here for you to check out. Aren't I lovely?



So, what's up with love being in my head? Well, there's this potential new guy for one thing. He read yesterday's post and simply responded asking who this person was. The tease never responded back after that. He's left us all hanging. 
There's also my boys. I have to tell them after school today that our dog has died. Kiara was my dog when I was married to Peter. He texted me last night to tell me that she had died. My guess is that her poor heart gave out. It kills me to know that I'm going to walk through that door this afternoon and she's not going to be there to love all over me. I hate knowing that they're going to be hurting. Kiara was a big part of our family. She's going to be desperately missed.
Then, there's the love of friends. I'm hoping that the Toledo gang will come to see me as not just that girl who drops in from time to time but as a friend. I really like all of them. My fear of being hurt (and probably other things) has always gotten in the way of me making friends but this is vulnerable me saying Toledo people, please like me, ok? I already like them. They're great people and I whine every time I drive home about how I wish I could be down there more to see and hang out with everyone.
The love of family also comes to mind. Mine has been going through a crisis over the past week with my grandma being so sick. She should be out of the hospital today and that's such a relief. None of us are ready to lose her. She's the glue that holds us all together. I need to get back over there soon to see her. 
Mostly, today I'm thankful. I'm thankful for the family who loves me. I'm thankful for the gang in Toledo for taking me in as one of their own when I needed it. I'm thankful for Justin who has kept me sane during a really rough period. I'm thankful for Jim who totally understood when I no-showed on Sunday night and who has checked in to see how things are. I'm thankful for my boys because the first thing they asked me yesterday was how is mawmaw. They're such great kids. I'm thankful for my other friends who lended me their ears and virtual arms when I needed a hug. I'm thankful for James who gave me not only his couch, but his ears and his arms and his odd sense of humor. I'm a lucky girl.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Ok, I know that technically it's Thursday but I'm blaming the snot monster for making me forget to post this yesterday. I actually had the picture all ready to go and then bam! I woke up sick and just plum forgot.

February's theme over at Sunday Shutterbugs is Red. Interesting theme, I'd say being that February has Valentine's and Heart Health Awareness and all of that good stuff. I had this picture in mind that I wanted to take but the lighting is never right when I go past the area. I'm hoping to get it though before the month is out to share with all of you.  Until then...Here is this week's Red photograph:



I snapped this on Monday in Roger's 4th grade class. They had all of their Valentine bags lined up on the chalkboard ledge. I love how this photo makes them look like they're suspended in space. Ok, off to write the post that was supposed to go up today! See you all in just a few minutes. ;)



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

On this day, I am thankful beyond belief for some of the fantastic people that I have in my life. After posting my last post, I felt hesitant to share it with people. I was scared of how people would respond to my call for help. I was afraid that they would judge me. I was silly.

I had the most incredible outpouring of support from friends; some that I've known forever and some that I've known only a couple of weeks. In fact, I am super excited to let you all know that we have had a laptop donated! I cannot begin to thank the generous soul who is donating it enough.

On top of that, two of my Mamavation sistas are running a giveaway to help raise money for any other items that he will need. Any money raised about and beyond what we need will be donated to March of Dimes. As you may remember, Ben was a preemie (and heck, we induced Roger 2 weeks early!) so this is a charity that is close to my heart.

So, if you would like to get involved in helping our family out, please go through the giveaway. The girls are giving away a prize pack that includes:

• Blog transfer to a self-hosted WordPress site or WordPress installation if you don’t already have a blog
• Custom domain name registration for 1 yr if you don’t already have one
• Blog hosting for 1 yr if you don’t already have hosting
• Custom blog design or re-design including header and button (Greta is a kick-butt designer)
• Standard plugin set-up: Comment spam protection, tweet this, facebook like etc. – we’ll work with you to determine which plugins you need.

Entries are $5 each. All you have to do is make a donation through the paypal button here or on their blog and then leave a comment with your paypal confirmation number.

Thank you again to all of the generous souls who are helping out my family and my son. You cannot begin to understand what it does to a mother's heart to know that her son won't have to struggle on without these tools. I don't care what anyone says, generosity and big hearts are more than alive and out there.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

This is Ben. Isn't he a handsome fellow? This was a quick picture that I snapped on Christmas morning as he opened the package of books that Santa had left him. If only I could convince him to read them now!

Ben is my miracle baby. In all reality, he shouldn't be here today. Let me give you a little bit of history.  On January 17, 1999, I went into preterm labor with his brother, Austin. Sadly, we lost him but in May of that same year, I got pregnant with Ben. I like to think that his brother was watching out for him because that was the pregnancy from hell.

I found out that I was pregnant, literally one week before we moved from Virginia back to Michigan. Since I had miscarried my first pregnancy and we knew all future pregnancies were going to be high risk, I was told not to touch anything. I wasn't to do any lifting of any nature. We managed to do the move but the day after, I started having sharp pains in my lower abdominal region and was sure that I was miscarrying. After a frightening run around Grand Rapids, trying to find a hospital (and being turned away at an emergency clinic because I had out of state insurance), it was discovered that he was just fine. The doctor figured that I must have pulled a groin muscle somehow.

The one huge blessing in all of that was that when I called for a follow up appointment, the nurse in the clinic told me not to go there but to call a specialist. It turns out that it was the best decision we ever made and I am thankful, to this day, to that nurse for being honest with me and not just trying to get another patient for their office. Dr. Balaskas was an amazing doctor. I should know! I saw him every week for that entire pregnancy. I was also on full bedrest that entire pregnancy.

He's the one who caught it when I started preterm labor at 26 weeks. He's the one who treated me time and time again for bacterial vaginosis (think yeast infection symptoms for weeks, ladies!). He's also the one who realized, at 35 weeks, Ben was not as active as he should have been. The thing is, I never realize just how serious it was because he was so calm through out the whole thing. He tried everything to get Ben going and when it didn't happen, he just told me that the hospital had better equipment and that I needed to go be listened to there.

He's the same doctor who I joked around with about never losing your sense of humor during the scary stuff. I believe it had to do with me counting dots on the ceiling while a resident removed my cerclage. He's also the one that saved my baby's life when he determined that we needed to do an emergency c-section. You see, it turns out that my placenta had very few blood vessels actually in it and many of those that were there had clotted off. My baby wasn't getting the oxygen and nutrients that he needed to survive. We were told later that if we had waited just another week, Ben wouldn't have made it. He's my miracle baby.

Well, my miracle baby is now 11 years old. He has cerebral palsy due to the pregnancy (not due to medical malpractice!). He's smart and funny and loves music more than any kid I know. He can also tell you just about any football game he's ever seen, along with any WWE wrestling match he's ever seen. He's a great kid who never gives up. Sadly, he does have some physical problems. In fact, we're considering doing hamstring surgery this summer to help with his gait. His writing is nearly illegible and he uses a word processor at school to type up a lot of his assignments.

Here's where I break down, folks. The word processor won't work for him next year. He's going on to middle school and what he uses now just isn't big enough to handle middle school work. He needs a laptop. He really needs it now so that he can be working with it and getting used to it before it's something he does every day. My miracle baby who has brought so much joy and love to my life needs something and I can't provide it for him. Yes, the district would provide it but he wouldn't be allowed to use it over the summer or even bring it home unless it was 100% necessary for an assignment. We really need to provide one for him and we just can't.

So, I'm going to reach out to you, my readers. If you know of anyone who is getting rid of a laptop, please have them contact me. If you know of a company who might be willing to donate one, again, put our names down. Lastly, and this one is the hardest for me, if you might be willing to donate money towards us purchasing one for him, please get in contact with me. I swear to you that all monies collected will go towards helping my miracle baby. He needs this to be successful as a student.

Any help that anyone can give will be greatly appreciated. I don't have much that I can give back, but I will give back where I can. If you can't help, please don't be sad. I understand and know right where you are. The fact that you stopped by and read his story (or the part I wrote here) means more to me than you can ever imagine.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Sometimes it is so hard to be a mom. I don't often write these kinds of posts here but today, I just have to let some of this out of my head and out of my heart before I explode.

I'm going to say this here because it's a safe place to say it. Yes, some people might get upset that I put it out there, but it needs to be said. Sometimes it is hard to be a mom. It is even harder to be a single mom whose children live primarily with their father. There. I said it.

My ex-husband is divorcing his wife of 9 months. I'm not going to get into the reasons behind the divorce other than to say that the reasoning alone stresses me out and takes me back to some of the reasons behind our divorce, nearly 5 years ago. However, that is between them and doesn't really concern me. What does concern me is our children and how all of this is going to affect them.

You see, their stepmom is moving out of the house and going back to New York. No surprise there, right? The boys don't know yet. Surprise. She's leaving in less than 10 days. They haven't told the boys. I don't know when they intend on telling the boys. This has me just sick. Literally, sick. Those two boys adore that woman. She has been a big part of their lives for nearly 2 years and now she's leaving and they haven't told them. They haven't given them a single hint that something is wrong or that she's leaving.

The worst part? I can't protect them from this. I can't protect them from the pain that is going to come when she leaves. Will they understand that it wasn't their fault? That it had nothing to do with them? I don't know. Will they understand that she loves them and doesn't want to go? I don't know. What I do know is that I can't stop their hurting. I can't fix this. It isn't a scraped knee or a bumped elbow. I can't put a bandaid and a kiss on it and make it better.

I want to hold them close and tell that it will all be ok. I want to, as my grandmother would say, wrap their little hearts in bubble wrap so that things like this didn't have to hurt them. I know that parts of growing up hurt but this feels so unnecessary. They shouldn't have to experience this. I don't want them growing up thinking that this sort of thing is normal or right or how it always happens. How do I counteract this? How do I teach them that relationships can last? How do I be the best parent I can be when I only see them for 2 days out of every 14?

How do I explain to Ben's doctors why I don't know what's going on with him? Or why exercises aren't being done or braces aren't being worn? They always look at me first. I'm the mom. The mom should know the answers to these questions. The mom should be able to protect her babies and to take care of them. Sometimes, it's hard being a mom.



If you like what you've read here, please share it with others using these buttons:

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!

Whew! Happy holy hot Monday, world! We made it all the way into August and last night (technically tonight since I haven't been to bed yet), I gave it and put the window unit into my bedroom window. Last summer, I put it on the landing and while it was semi-effective, it took nearly a week to cool down our bedrooms. So, it's now in my bedroom window and the boys are camping out on my bedroom floor. I offered them my bed (it's important to me that they get enough sleep), but they said no, then I would be hot. So, they talked about it and decided to camp out on my floor so that I could still have my bed. I have such great kids!

Since the temperatures are supposed to be anywhere from 85-90 all week long, we're cooking/cheating in ways that are going to keep the house as cool as possible. I'm looking forward to Autumn when things cool down and I can really get into the kitchen and start cooking and baking again. I'm continuing on my goals of making changes in my life and that's part of it.

Monday - Leftover Pasta
Tuesday - Sandwiches
Wednesday - Family Picnic
Thursday - Pasta
Friday - Taco Chicken Packets
Saturday - homemade pizza
Sunday - Lasagna

Simple and hopefully very tasty. If the heat is too much for any of the oven cooked foods, I'll switch it to something in the crockpot. I love how easy that is.

Happy super stressful Thursday, everyone! Ugh. I am so not ready for this weekend's super awesome fantastic wonderful incredible company or the camping trip next week. My house is honestly a disaster and I'm going to be honest and say that it really hurts my feelings when someone isn't even surprised that my house is a mess. I've been accused of being a hoarder. Maybe. It hurts though to hear someone say it with such disdain and without any kind of understanding. Instead, some understanding and acknowledgement of the fact that I've really spend the past year trying to get things under control would really go a long way. I am aware that I have a problem. I am also aware of why I have this problem. Please don't judge me or make me feel bad about it. Feeling bad just encourages the problem.

So, what am I doing to help with all of this? To help me feel better about me? I'm remembering how many boxes there were when I moved in. I'm remembering how many boxes of things have gone back out and the fact that I have a box almost ready to go and another garbage bag 2/3 of the way filled with clothes. Once they're ready, I'll list them and that will be a bit more of out of my house. I'm spending time cuddling my boys and hanging out with them. I'm going to read them another chapter of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Titan's Curse. Then, I'm going to come downstairs and see what else I can do tonight to prepare for next week's trip. I'm not going to dwell on the negative but remind myself of the positives.