“It isn't the long day of monitoring a child's precarious health or being hypervigilant about her mood and mental health challenges that weighs parents down; it's the wishing that things were different. . . . Resentment, not the intense care they must provide their child, is the parents' greatest stressor and source of pain.” —Laurie Wallin

Parents of specials needs children are exhausted. They've done all the research, consulted all the experts, joined support groups, gotten counseling, fought for the best life for their children. Often just caring for their children's needs and attempting to maintain a home maxes out parents' mental, emotional, and spiritual reserves.

Laurie Wallin knows firsthand the difficulties of this journey. With Get Your Joy Back, she steps forward to make a bold, audacious claim: in the midst of this long-term, intense task, it is still possible to have an abundant life, full of joy. The key to radically changing daily life and restoring joy to the weary is forgiveness. Wallin gives parents a lifeline to find that restoration, pulling them back to shore when they feel like they're drowning.

This book is full of practical, biblical insights and strategies to shed the resentments that leave Christian special-needs parents themselves spiritually, emotionally, and socially drained. Wallin meets readers right where they are, sugar coating nothing, but addressing issues with honesty, humor, and--above all--hope.

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As a single mom to a special needs kiddo, I've found myself sometimes feeling buried under his needs. Please don't get me wrong. I don't resent it for a single moment. My grieving time for not having a "normal" child is long past and I love this kid with everything I have and I am as insanely proud of him and his accomplishments as I am his younger brother. What I mean is that while making myself available to him 24/7/365 and dealing with his special needs (such as I tutor him every single night for hours), I've lost myself in the process. I stopped dreaming or even thinking that I could have dreams.

This book made me smile from the moment that I started reading it. Laurie gets it. Every single page seemed to have something that I could relate to. Some of it I've dealt with, some of it I'm still dealing with. This book isn't about how to handle your child's needs or to find the perfect specialist. It's about finding yourself, forgiveness and finding joy in the journey again. She encourages us to dream and that we deserve to dream. Will you find joy after reading this book? I don't know but I do know that it will remind you that you are not alone and sometimes just having that reminder can make a huge difference.



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Ben,

I took this picture of you only a few short months ago and yet to me, you look so little like this. You've grown so much since then. You're no longer a boy, but a young man and that shows every time I look at you.

I wanted to be there today. I wanted to be the one to drop you off at school and make sure that everything was okay. For reasons outside of your control, I couldn't be, but please know that I so badly wanted to be.

I know that you were nervous about going to the high school. It's a bigger building and you were worried you wouldn't know where to go and that the classes would be so much harder than the ones in middle school. I don't worry though because you have always been my fighter. You may have been born early and born small, but you were born a fighter. You have never given up. You continue to grow stronger every day. You're no longer my tiny 5 pound 6 ounce baby boy. You're growing so tall and now that you're working out, you're growing so much stronger.

It's more than physical strength though. You have an inner strength that puts my own to shame. Every step of your life it has been you that has pushed yourself to new and harder things. When you mastered walking, it was you that took on climbing stairs. When you've struggled with something, it's been you who has said, "Mom, will you help me with this?" To say I'm proud of you is an understatement.

I know you worry about the classes, but I see that glimmer of excitement that comes whenever we have a new subject to tackle. You may not feel smart, but you are far smarter than you think. It's that inner strength that keeps pushing you to learn more and to improve every single marking period and in some ways, that's far better than having things come easily. You already know what it means to have to work for things and that will serve you well in life.

Ben, right now, you may feel like a little fish in a rather large pond, but remember that fish rarely swim alone. You have so many that love and support you. There's me, your dad, Megan, Coach, your brother and others who are right there with you every step of the way. Your classmates are there too and I bet they're just as nervous today as you are but you've always looked out for each other and that isn't going to change. There are the girls on the swim team who will help you if you get lost. There's Mr Holk who you knew way back in elementary school. You're not alone and you never will be.

You're growing up so fast and before I know it, it's going to be your first day of college. I hope that you take this time to truly enjoy what life has to offer. I am so proud of you. You've gone from being my tiny baby to being a young man, manager of the swim team, athlete and so much more. You have amazing things waiting for you, but they'll wait because every day is your day. Shine in it.

Love,
Mom





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This is Ben. Isn't he a handsome fellow? This was a quick picture that I snapped on Christmas morning as he opened the package of books that Santa had left him. If only I could convince him to read them now!

Ben is my miracle baby. In all reality, he shouldn't be here today. Let me give you a little bit of history.  On January 17, 1999, I went into preterm labor with his brother, Austin. Sadly, we lost him but in May of that same year, I got pregnant with Ben. I like to think that his brother was watching out for him because that was the pregnancy from hell.

I found out that I was pregnant, literally one week before we moved from Virginia back to Michigan. Since I had miscarried my first pregnancy and we knew all future pregnancies were going to be high risk, I was told not to touch anything. I wasn't to do any lifting of any nature. We managed to do the move but the day after, I started having sharp pains in my lower abdominal region and was sure that I was miscarrying. After a frightening run around Grand Rapids, trying to find a hospital (and being turned away at an emergency clinic because I had out of state insurance), it was discovered that he was just fine. The doctor figured that I must have pulled a groin muscle somehow.

The one huge blessing in all of that was that when I called for a follow up appointment, the nurse in the clinic told me not to go there but to call a specialist. It turns out that it was the best decision we ever made and I am thankful, to this day, to that nurse for being honest with me and not just trying to get another patient for their office. Dr. Balaskas was an amazing doctor. I should know! I saw him every week for that entire pregnancy. I was also on full bedrest that entire pregnancy.

He's the one who caught it when I started preterm labor at 26 weeks. He's the one who treated me time and time again for bacterial vaginosis (think yeast infection symptoms for weeks, ladies!). He's also the one who realized, at 35 weeks, Ben was not as active as he should have been. The thing is, I never realize just how serious it was because he was so calm through out the whole thing. He tried everything to get Ben going and when it didn't happen, he just told me that the hospital had better equipment and that I needed to go be listened to there.

He's the same doctor who I joked around with about never losing your sense of humor during the scary stuff. I believe it had to do with me counting dots on the ceiling while a resident removed my cerclage. He's also the one that saved my baby's life when he determined that we needed to do an emergency c-section. You see, it turns out that my placenta had very few blood vessels actually in it and many of those that were there had clotted off. My baby wasn't getting the oxygen and nutrients that he needed to survive. We were told later that if we had waited just another week, Ben wouldn't have made it. He's my miracle baby.

Well, my miracle baby is now 11 years old. He has cerebral palsy due to the pregnancy (not due to medical malpractice!). He's smart and funny and loves music more than any kid I know. He can also tell you just about any football game he's ever seen, along with any WWE wrestling match he's ever seen. He's a great kid who never gives up. Sadly, he does have some physical problems. In fact, we're considering doing hamstring surgery this summer to help with his gait. His writing is nearly illegible and he uses a word processor at school to type up a lot of his assignments.

Here's where I break down, folks. The word processor won't work for him next year. He's going on to middle school and what he uses now just isn't big enough to handle middle school work. He needs a laptop. He really needs it now so that he can be working with it and getting used to it before it's something he does every day. My miracle baby who has brought so much joy and love to my life needs something and I can't provide it for him. Yes, the district would provide it but he wouldn't be allowed to use it over the summer or even bring it home unless it was 100% necessary for an assignment. We really need to provide one for him and we just can't.

So, I'm going to reach out to you, my readers. If you know of anyone who is getting rid of a laptop, please have them contact me. If you know of a company who might be willing to donate one, again, put our names down. Lastly, and this one is the hardest for me, if you might be willing to donate money towards us purchasing one for him, please get in contact with me. I swear to you that all monies collected will go towards helping my miracle baby. He needs this to be successful as a student.

Any help that anyone can give will be greatly appreciated. I don't have much that I can give back, but I will give back where I can. If you can't help, please don't be sad. I understand and know right where you are. The fact that you stopped by and read his story (or the part I wrote here) means more to me than you can ever imagine.



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I've been meaning to write this post for days, but life got the best of me again. However, I consider it something very serious and wanted to make sure that I did take/make the time to write it.

Usually, my posts tend to be fairly lighthearted and sometimes very silly. However, I'm warning you now that this post is going to be serious. What I'm writing about isn't a joke or anything to joke about.

As I've posted here before, my oldest son, Ben, has Cerebral Palsy. This is a condition that was caused by the circumstances of my pregnancy with him. It's nobodies fault, it's just something that has happened. My body has issues with being pregnant and Ben's was an incredibly not normal pregnancy. The truth is, we are very lucky and blessed that he's here with us. If my doctor hadn't watched me/us like a hawk, he might not be.

When Ben was younger, he didn't walk at the same age that other kids did. In fact, he didn't take his first steps until he was 33 months old. At one point, he was walking with a walker. Even now, Ben doesn't walk quite like other children do.

Why am I explaining all of this? Well, it's because people notice when kids are different. They notice a child walking with a walker or a child that sometimes falls down in the middle of a store. They notice things and let's face it, they're not always polite about it. I've heard the whispers when we've been out in stores and they hurt my heart because it's my baby that they're whispering comments about. It's during those moments that I've heard the "R" word being used.

I know that some of you may not know what the "R" word is so I'm going to say it once and only once because it's a word that I've personally banned from my vocabulary as well as the vocabulary of my children. The word is Retard or Retarded.

I've heard these horrible words applied to my son simply because he doesn't walk or run or do physical things like many other children. I've hoped and prayed that he has never heard those whispers because I know how damaging they could be to him. Those words have such an ugly connotation. I never want him to hear those words and think that he's stupid (another banned word in our household), dumb or incapable of learning.

The truth is that he's far from any of those things. Ben is actually a good student and for the most part is doing really well in a mainstream classroom. I want to implore all of you, whether you're a regular reader or just stopping in for this post, to remove this word from your vocabulary. Stop and think before you speak. Even if you're not referring to someone, you never know who might overhear it. Every person and child is special and hearing such a word used (whether or not you're referring to them) can be horribly damaging. Yes, there are people and children out there who have learning difficulties. There are some who may never learn above a toddler's level. However, instead of using words that could harm them and perhaps even add to their difficulties, use words that will uplift and encourage them.

On a bit of a connected note, don't be afraid to ask questions. As a parent of a "special needs" child, I would much rather have you approach me and ask me (in a polite manner, of course) about my son than to make assumptions and perhaps have you end up saying something that could cause harm to him. Like any parent, I'm incredibly proud of him and of what he has accomplished. I'm also very aware of how he's different. Go ahead, give me a chance to brag about how he's learned to jump. Let me tell you about our journey and maybe instead of an assumption, you'll walk away with some new knowledge and you never know, maybe a new friend.

PS If you would like to make a pledge to remove these words from your vocabulary, check out http://www.r-word.org/