Yep. 40. In a mere 13 days, I will be arriving at that major milestone in my life. As with any birthday that ends in zero, it's caused me to be introspective and to look at where my life is, where my life was, and where I'd like my life to go. Then, because I so rarely post here as much as I would like, I decided to share it with you. After all, it was that or do more than pretend to watch one of my least favorite iCarly episodes with the boys. This way, I can be in the room, hanging out with them, but don't have to focus on it. Yay for having teenagers that like you around but don't care if you're watching the show with them!

So...40. Ben tells me that reaching 40 is a major life accomplishment. He didn't expand upon that, but looking back on my life and where I've been, I can't argue with him. There have been times in my life that I wanted nothing more than to no longer be on this planet, but somehow (and with the love and support of some amazing people), here I still am. Do I regret those feelings? No because fighting to get past them is part of what's made me who I am today.

Life hasn't always been grand, but I don't want to dwell on a lot of it. For that you'll have to buy my book. *grins* So let's just talk about birthdays. I don't remember having a birthday party after maybe my 13th. My birthday just kind of became a non thing. After I got married, even my husband didn't give it much attention. If I had a cake, it was because I made it. He'd tell me to go buy something for myself. As the years went on, I felt less and less like I mattered to anyone. It didn't get any better after the divorce.  For my 30th birthday, I was raped. For my 35th, someone decided to throw me a birthday party that nobody came to. After that, I tried to make plans with friends so that I wouldn't be alone but every year for the past 4 years, I've made plans and people have bailed on me.

This year was going to be different. Last year I said that I was going to spend my 40th in England, surrounded by friends. It didn't happen because financially the kids needed those funds for various things. Then, I made tentative plans with someone really special and awesome. Sadly, circumstances have made that impossible.

So where does that leave me? Well, that depends upon how you look at things. Let's look at a couple of scenarios:

1) I turn 40. I spend the entire day alone until it's time to go into town for the football game. At the game, I sit in the stands alone. After the game, I chaperone the dance where I stand alone against a wall and just feel generally miserable. I've had this birthday before. It pretty much sucks.

2) I still turn 40. I don't think I'm going to avoid that. I spend the day doing something I love, like learning or writing or talking with any friends who may be around online. I go to the game and enjoy watching Ben on the sidelines and Roger on the field with the band. Afterwards, we skip the dance, come home and hang out for a while. Then, we take the rest of the weekend and just have fun (except for any homework that needs doing).

In the end, it's about attitude. It's about my attitude towards the day. I could look at 40 and sigh and say life is half over or I could smile and say hey, I have half a life to go, what should I do with it? It's all up to me. I know that option 1 will be what my programmed mind will want to veer towards. My mean brain will tell me that nobody cares enough about me to come and spend my birthday with me, that if people loved me that they'd make a big deal out of the day I was born, that cards and gifts somehow show my self worth. None of that is true, but I've been programmed to believe those things. The bonus of being human and not a computer? I can retrain myself. I don't need anyone else to do it for me. So, that's what I'm going to be working on...that and planning what awesome shenanigans I can get up to in my 40th year! Keep your eyes open for the annual birthday post with my hopes and plans for the upcoming year!

Oh...and if you wanted to get me something, ocd me created an Amazon wishlist specifically just for my birthday. Don't worry. If you don't, I'm not going to take it personally because y'all show me you love me every time I post anything here and you stop by to read. Let's create another year of amazingness because after all 40 is going to be the new me!



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Ugh. It's hot. Who the heck authorized it to be hot? It most certainly was not me. I can tell you that. This week is insane enough without us getting smacked with temperatures hovering around 90. Yuck!

Did anyone else hear the dramatic music when they read the title? I swear saying The Plan makes me hear "da da dum" (that's dramatic cliff hanger type music if you don't speak musical gibberish) in my head every single time. Maybe I need to lay off the fruit loops, they may be affecting my..oh, who am I kidding, I'm this weird all the time..hehe

Over on the challenge (see? did you hear the music there too?..ahem..), Laura is talking all about having a plan. I agree with her, having a plan is a good thing and I never tackle any major project without one. Since "The Wall" is a major project, I have a plan. It's a good plan too..really, it is. Wanna see it? Promise you'll someday believe I really am a naturally organized person? Would homemade cookies help convince you? Ok, so I don't have any right now, but I do have Oreos. Would Oreos work? No? Well, I'm going to show you the plan anyway, maybe that will help.

The Plan
Step 1: Go through all boxes in room and remove trash and do an easy purge.* Put all keep items into other boxes and/or put easy to put away items where they go.
Step 2: Move all remaining boxes to computer side of the room.
Step 3: Get all organizational products into place so things can be put away.
Step 4: Start the "micro-organization"** part of the project.
Step 5: Admit that I have an addiction to certain things.
Step 6: Look for a program to help me deal with that addiction.
Step 7: Realize that looking for said program isn't dealing with the issue and do another harder purge.
Step 8: Get totally exasperated with the amount of stuff and toss it all on the floor Once items are all together by group, organize those groups.
Step 9: Bring in office chairs.
Step 10: Setup boys crafting space.
Step 11: Hang items on walls.
Step 12: Jump up and down in the now cleared floor space and yell yay a lot.

And that folks, is my 12 step program..ermm...plan to getting "The Wall" turned into a room.



* - An easy purge is one where there is no maybe. If it's a maybe, it's a keep. All no items get dropped into the freecycle box.
** - Micro-organization: The process of organizing things into their unique type..photos with photos, office supplies with office supplies, etc.

Ok, I know that's the Fall image, but I have a totally good reason for that. Right now, this poor laptop looks as if it should be in an intensive care unit. It has wires and drives sticking out of every port imaginable. What am I doing to the poor thing you ask? Well, I'm re-organizing my external hard drives and transferring files right, left and center. Now, the poor laptop gets really cranky if I have more than 2 externals hooked up at any time and you guessed it, my blog files are all stored on drive #3. So, I had to go with the one and only MPM image I had on the laptop itself.

Now, life around here is about to go totally insane. I have to drive to Hastings at the crack of dawn tomorrow to go with my ex-husband and oldest son to a doctor's appointment in Grand Rapids. (Miss Tracey, if you read this, I'll be waving to you!) We're considering hamstring lengthening surgery for him and this is an evaluation to see if he'd be a good candidate for that.

Then, on Wednesday, I have to drive into Lansing for an appointment that I have there at 9am. Yep, once again getting up super early and leaving my house by 8am. Then, on Thursday, it's back to Hastings for the kids Christmas parties and all of that good stuff. Now, depending on the responses I get back from their teachers and principal, I may either be bringing them back with me that night or making another trip into Hastings on Friday to pick them up. Did I mention I have to go grocery shopping, etc in there somewhere? Sheesh! Insane.

So, do I have a menu for this week? Umm...no, not really because I really have to go grocery shopping. However, I do have one starting Thursday. I needed that for when I went grocery shopping, so I am vaguely organized. Impressive, huh? *grins* Ok, no I know it's not but that's ok. So here goes...my "menu"...

Monday- Lemon Pepper chicken tenders w/ rice
Tuesday- Pancakes
Wednesday- Wheat Pasta w/ Sauce
Thursday- Chili
Friday-Homemade Pizza
Saturday- Ground Beef Stroganoff
Sunday- Taco Chicken Pockets

*** Please note that Monday-Wednesday are total guesses based on what I *think* is in the kitchen.*

I apologize for vanishing off the face of the earth again. Life here is just plain insane. I'm moving back to Michigan in 4 short days and I'm not even close to being ready. Thank god for those people who have volunteered to come out to help me load the truck and the fact that Justin is coming in on Saturday to help me finish packing. My back has been bothering me and that is not good when trying to pack!

Other than that, let's see..I graduated! Woohoo! I now have an expensive piece of paper that says I'm smart. Heh! I'm doing some online work for kgb.com. It doesn't pay much so I'm going to be looking for something else I can do from home. I have my boys all summer so there's just no way to work out of the house. Any suggestions would be fabulous! I can almost guarantee that I'm going to take some more paid postings for this blog, but I promise they won't be lame ones! Only the best for my readers..lol! I did monetize this blog with google adsense, so you'll be seeing those in the lower right on the side column.

That's been most of my life for the past few weeks. The only other major thing is that my wedding is permanently postponed. Things in that area are a little bit rocky. We love each other but actually getting us in the same place just isn't going so well. I have faith that we'll figure it out, but right now, I'm putting all major plans on hold.

Ok, I need to finish my lunch! I have a kgb_ shift coming up in about 30 minutes. Gots to make some more pennies for the coffer, ya know! I will be back, I promise. It just might not be for a couple of weeks while I get settled into the new place. I love you guys..really and truly, I do!