This week's question made me stop and think...Have I? Or was it more of an extended vacation?

Have you ever lived in another country besides your country of birth? Would you want to?

In 2006, I flew to England and stayed there for 4 months. I was recently divorced and really just needed a break from my ex-husband and everything that was going on at home. I was blessed to have people in my life who were willing to take care of me if I could buy myself a plane ticket. So, I went. I fell in love with the country. In a lot of ways, it felt like home to me. I don't think I would ever leave the US for good, but I certainly wouldn't mind a cozy cottage somewhere in England. Somewhere not far from the train station so that I could pop around whenever I felt like it.

How about you? Have you lived in other countries? Let me know! I'd love to learn more about all of you too!






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Every week, I'm sure I've found a question that's going to stump me, but I'm discovering more and more that my brain kicks right in and starts running away with the answer faster than I can get it down here.

This week's question:
Give your city (or town or region) a new name that reflects what type of place it is, and explain why you chose that name.

This one is almost too easy. I would rename it Farmville and then I would chuckle as people thought I'd lost my mind and thought I was living in a Facebook game. I might even let them think that. It could make life interesting for a while, unlike life here in the village. I often say that I live in the middle of nowhere, Michigan, and I like it that way. It's quiet here. Nobody bothers anyone else and for the most part, the town is surrounded by fields and farms. Did I mention that it's quiet? Often the only sound I hear is when the train happens to come through on the track at the edge of the village. Sure, there are downsides but they're so minimal that they don't even count to me. I only notice them when other people are horrified that the closest fast food place is 10 miles away and the closest Starbucks is something like 18 miles. That's okay. My health would be far worse if I had easy access. I like the quiet, the sense of not being isolated, but being on my own.

How about you? What would you name where you live?






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I don't know how many people read my post earlier today, but this is a follow up to that. What I wrote earlier was based purely on anxiety and emotion and was logical in its own way, but not in the way it should have been.

I want to start out this post by thanking people for either giving me hugs, coming up with options, reminding me of legalities, or in the case of one just plain telling me that I was wrong.

Was I wrong? Not entirely. Like I said, there was some logic in how I was thinking. I really do love it here and don't want to lose this house because of my own hoarding issues. I'm also proud of me that I know that I deserve to live in a house that has things like hot water, something most of us take for granted these days.

Was I right? Not entirely. I never should have let the anxiety take over. I should have taken a deep breath, looked around at the work I had already accomplished, created a plan to deal with the rest and then contacted the owner of the house. I have a problem with overreacting before thinking clearly. I usually come around to the right side, but it's not always my first response to something. On top of that, I'm still forgiving myself for things getting how they were. So my instinct was to go into a mode where I felt ashamed and didn't want to let anyone in.

Nick was right. I was letting the anxiety make decisions for me and that isn't me taking care of myself. It's not me standing up for myself, even to myself.  I guess I'm still learning. I've come a long way but the journey isn't over and I know that I'm blessed to have someone who is willing to say hey, you're wrong. Even if it makes me defensive, it usually makes me stop and think too..because who likes being wrong?

So what's next? An email will be going out to the owner of the house about the water heater. She's always been good about getting things fixed when I let her know something was wrong. I need to keep working on shutting down the anxiety I feel about being on a month to month lease. I know we've been good about paying rent on time, we're rarely a problem and it is her responsibility to make sure the house is in livable condition.

After that? Well, I've started tackling the dining alcove. Who knows, maybe by the end of the weekend, it will be complete and the boys and I can sit at the table again to eat and play games. Won't that be a lovely thing? For now though, I have about 30 minutes before I have to go pick up the boys and I don't have a shopping list yet! Time to create one!




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The plumber came. The plumber went. Nothing is repaired. Why? Because it's worse than anyone realized. Someone installed shoddy plumbing and pipes need to replaced. The good news is that it's only for the kitchen drain, not the whole house. The water heater wouldn't light and the gentleman who came out only does line snaking. The furnace and water heater vent together and the vent is rusting out. The water heater is ancient...and on and on it goes..

I'm not going to lie to you. I'm currently sitting on my couch with tears running down my face. Not because any of this is impossible to get fixed, but because I worked so hard to get the house to a place where I could let someone come in to fix these things and nothing got fixed. On top of that, I posted my frustrations to Facebook and while I'm thrilled that a few people jumped in to remind me of leases and laws, I feel a bit as if I'm being lectured as if I don't know that I ought to contact my landlord when something breaks...I do know..but I haven't and I won't. At least right now, I won't. I can't.

You see, I'm a hoarder. Remember? Maybe my landlord can't remove me because an ancient water heater breaks, but she can if she doesn't feel as if I'm caring for the property and having to wade into a room isn't caring for anything. I've worked really hard these past few months and I have four rooms that are functional spaces (except for what's broken). That's huge progress and I'm proud of it..but it's not enough. If I call them and tell them there are problems, they'll send someone out...that someone could be a spy for them. I know that sounds paranoid, but it's happened before. Until this downstairs is 100% , I cannot let them in here.

And it's hard...it's so damn hard. Everyone is acting as if I can't take care of myself, as if I'm not taking care of myself and they don't understand. I'm trying to protect myself. I'm trying to fix things. I'm trying to undo years and years of trauma and habits to reclaim my world, to make things better. This isn't about the fact that I don't know the owner should handle these repairs. This isn't about me not knowing my rights as a tenant. This is about me. It's about me trying to fix me. It's about me having the space to do those things and I can't do that if I'm sitting here worrying that someone might report back to her that the place is a disaster. The bipolar brain looooves obsessive thoughts, after all.

So yes, if me paying a plumber god knows what to replace a section of pipe will buy me some peace of mind then I'm going to do it. Is it going to frustrate me that some owner in the past 100 years went with cheap fixes instead of proper repairs? Hell yes it is. I hate half assed done things. Are there going to be tears? Yep. Sometimes I just need to cry out the frustration and the feelings of being ashamed so that I can reset and go on to tackle the next thing.

I say this to remind myself ....I can do this. I am doing this. I am being the change I need within my own world and if people don't understand, all I can do is try to help them to. I know people think I'm crazy (and I am..it's been certified, check my medical records), but this is what I need to do for me. Who knows...maybe I'll whip through these last 2 downstairs spaces and then be comfortable contacting the owner. Maybe I won't. I need to do this in my time to prevent setbacks.

I'm working hard at this and what I need is for people to try to be understanding that if I don't do things the "normal" way, there's probably a reason for it. I haven't been as public about some of my issues as I have about others, but one by one, I'm knocking down mountains and support is always appreciated. Remember those goals that I posted yesterday? Today is another day to chip away at them.



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Early after being diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and all the rest of the mess, I said that I would be as transparent as possible with things. One of the things that I deal with is a combination of ocd and hoarding tendencies. What does that mean? When I get really low, I surround myself with things. I'm poor as all get out so I'm not really buying much, but I also don't get rid of things. I just sit things down and leave them there. I build a protective nest/wall around myself. Then, the ocd kicks in and my brain says if you can't make it perfect right now...with every tiny project finished, you shouldn't even bother. The lower I get, the worse it gets and it doesn't take long before the house becomes a representation of the chaos that's in my head.

As if that's not bad enough, this starts a vicious cycle because as the mess builds, my mood sinks further and further because the voices in my head pipe up telling me how useless I am, what an awful mother I am, etc for letting it get this way to begin with. My mood drops, the mess grows and I get stuck in this awful cycle that feels impossible to break.

It isn't impossible though. It takes a lot ...a lot of emotional energy, a lot of physical energy, a lot of deep breathes and a lot of support... but it isn't impossible to break the cycle. It took every bit of brave that I had, but I posted before photos of my living room to a private group on Facebook. The support that I've received has kept me going on days when I just want to hide. Only a couple of people outside of that group know how I've spent my time offline. I want to share it now with all of you. Maybe it will give hope to someone who is stuck in that same cycle. I know that I'm not alone in it. When I wake up and feel like I'm useless and can't do anything, I look at these pictures and can see that it's just not true. Sometimes there's no better reminder than physical proof.

Roger got to the door first and all I heard was "Holy shit, mom...are you some kind of wizard?" Ben got to the door and his response was "Oh my god, mom...this is amazing!" They were proud of me and seeing Roger sprawled on the floor doing homework pretty much made my weekend. That helped fuel me to work on the bathroom this week...


It's only been 2 days in there, but progress is happening. This isn't all of the bathroom in photos, but it is the areas that I've worked on so far. I'll take more tomorrow to cover the rest of the room..and maybe I'll continue to share them here.

Things have been wiped down, emptied out, organized, purged, and put back. I have an entire grocery bag full of extra bathroom things that I'll be donating to the Homeless Angels once I also collect up outgrown clothing and spare blankets to go with it.

Today was a very emotional day for some reason and I told myself that it was okay to not do anything and to just have a self love kind of day. Instead, I found myself changing over the laundry..folding the dry, hanging the wet (my dryer died), and putting in another load to wash. I told myself that was enough..then when I went into the kitchen or the bathroom, I found myself doing a bit of tidying. I needed a tote for part of the bathroom project..and realized I had one in the laundry room full of fabric I would probably never use. So, I grabbed it..after all, it's not doing much and I could relax on the couch while doing it. Three totes later, I'd purged 3 trash bags full of fabric (already posted and picked up by someone who lives locally) and only kept 1 grocery bag with some crafting things and fabric in it.

This whole thing is important. As I reclaim this house, I'm reclaiming myself and I'm reclaiming my belief that I have control in my world. I'm showing myself that I can do things. I don't have to be stuck. There will be good days and bad days, but like I said before...I'm still here and I'm still fighting...



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It's that time of year again, isn't it? You know the one..where you want to be outside enjoying jumping in the piles of crisp fall leaves but instead the wind is blowing and the rain is coming down in sheets? Yep, that's the one that's happening here right now. I had beautiful plans of finally tackling the front porch. It's still stacked with things that I needed to unload in a hurry and it needs to be done before the snow sets in. However, mother nature had ideas of her own so today, I'm stuck indoors.

Since I can't be working outside, I got to thinking about all of the projects that need to be done not only outside, but inside as well. This kind of weather is a sure sign that I need to be taking advantage of the good weather days to get the outside winterization done. On days like today, I can work on the inside jobs that come this time of year.

My current list of projects is miles long but that's just because if I don't have a project, I don't know what to do with myself! Today, I'm going to share a list of 5 simple and easy projects that you can do around your own homes to help save some money this winter! After all, we can all use a bit of extra money these days.

1. Block the drafts - Check under your outside doors. If they're anything like mine, there are drafts coming in. I have an old house and over the years, it's settled and nothing is quite square. My solution? I'll be making my own draft blocker! It's super easy and I bet any of you can do this. (Don't tell my kids where their pool tube things went, ok?) If you don't want to make one yourself, head down to any of your local department type stores and look in the holiday sections. At this time of year, they always have cute draft blockers. They'll cost you more than making one yourself, but you'll be all set!

2. Run your ceiling fans on reverse - I wish I had ceiling fans! Did you know that warm air rises and pools up around your ceiling? By flipping that switch on your fans so that the blades rotate in a counter-clockwise direction, you could save up to 10% off of your heating bills! That's insane!

3. Turn down your water heater - Do you have any idea what temperature your water heater is set at? Most installers/plumbers set them to 140F. By simply turning it down to 120, you could save 6-10% on those energy bills. Most people don't even realize the difference since a shower at 140 is so hot that we don't turn the water up that high!

4.Install storm doors and windows - This one takes work..like actual manual labor, but can be so worth it! Did you know that simply installing a storm door can increase energy efficiency in your home by up to 45%? Also, for those of you that have storm windows installed on your home, make sure they're closed! I know you're thinking duh, but I've lived in this house for 3 years and just in the past week realized that my front door has a storm window that lowers on it! I need to check my back door now for something similar!

My thanks to Wil Wheaton and his friend Loren for taking this picture and allowing it to be spread across the internet.

5. Put on a sweater - Let's face it. We're all getting older and the days of us laying about in our skivvies with 6 inches of snow on the ground are probably long past. If they're not, hey don't let me stop your fun! But, did you know that simply putting on a light sweater can add about 2 degrees of warmth to your body? A heavier sweater can add up to 4 degrees! That can easily translate into not having to have your thermostat turned up so high. Plus, who doesn't want to pull out all of their ugly sweater candidates? Make it an ugly sweater fashion show with hot chocolate going to the winner!



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Today was a good day. I had a lovely lady from freecycle come out and pick up some wire fencing. She also offered me some of her tomato plants once they get a bit bigger which I thought was really nice. Hemi is back to himself which made me happy. Let's see, what else did I do? Oh! I spent most of the day working on my new website for my radio show! I hope that all of you will go over and check out Musically Sunshine. I have to say that I'm pretty proud of it.

Now, I wanted to put up a great picture for this week's theme. The theme is Heaven and I had planned on taking a great shot inside of the library yesterday, but time just got away from me. It was like being mesmerized by so many books in one place. Someday I'm going to have a house that has a dedicated library room. Until then, I'm going to show you another idea of heaven. Ready?

This is my bed. It's all decked out for winter. Honestly, it had another flannel sheet and blanket over top of this, but they weren't on when I took the picture. Why so many blankets? Well, our upstairs only has one heat vent and it's on the landing. So, our beds get nice and bundled. Why is this heaven? It's cozy, it's comfy, it's warm and it has some of my favorite things on it. There's tons of comfy pillows. There is Miss Mittens, one of our kitties. It has a good book and my paper journal. Yes, I admit it. I blog and I paper journal. Also, there are some of my favorite stuffed animals. Oh, and did you notice? My laptop..hehe.

Wow, am I sleepy today. I'm not sure why other than the fact that being productive when you haven't been for a while takes some getting used to. Yesterday, by doing just a quick skim through my clothing, I got rid of an entire garbage bag of clothes. I know that as the week continues, there will be even more added to that. I'm still tackling Mt. Washmore which means making room for more clothes, which means getting rid of more clothes. After I finish writing this yummy post, I'll be headed back upstairs to see what I can get done today.

Have any of you checked out Sunday Shutterbugs this week? I have and now that we're on to the letter B, this week's theme is Blue. This is a great choice for this week because over the weekend, I reupholstered 4 dining room chairs in this lovely blue fabric that I got from another freecycler. Actually, now that I think about it, the entire project didn't cost me much. Two of the chairs I got from a freecycler and the other 2 were given to me by my great-aunt years ago. I received the fabric from a freecycler so the only thing this cost me was time, a pair of scissors (which we had) and a staple gun and staples. I did have to buy the stapler and staples but they're something we needed around the house anyway. I love projects like this!

So, without further ado...I give you blue and chair. Please pretend you don't see the disaster surrounding the chair. We're very much in a cleaning/organizing phase around here so lots of things are laying around while I sort through them.



So, there's one of our "new" chairs. This picture really doesn't do it justice. Maybe I should have added figure out how to use my camera to my commitment goals for this year. I'm taking a lot more pictures and I know that this camera is capable of awesome things. It's totally a user issue for why my pictures look like that.

Anyway, this girl is off to tackle more of her bedroom. I'm hoping to actually get it finished today (minus the laundry I'll be working on all week) so that tomorrow I can move onto the boys' room. Make sure you come back tomorrow for this week's pampering mission!

The other day I read an email about being "just a mom" and I realized that I'd had that same attitude about being a homemaker. When other people have talked about their jobs, I've felt guilty because all I do is stay at home and unpack boxes and do laundry and try to put things away. Then I realized, other people pay people to do just what I'm doing. What I do is nothing to be ashamed over. I'm creating a home for my family. I'm creating a peaceful, loving sanctuary. I'm making a home. That's just what a homemaker does. They make the home and this is an important job. Does it pay in cold hard cash? Nope, but the rewards are even better. It leaves me open to do things like have lunch with my boys for Birthday Club at their school. There's no panic when Peter tells me at the last minute that the boys have a half day of school or a Monday off. No worries, I just adjust my schedule and I'm there for them. It's given me the freedom to work on the house and to work online. It's going to give me the freedom to focus on my blog and turning it into something wonderful. Who knows, maybe someday soon that blog will allow me to not have to worry so much about the bills.

Now, I know this assignment* was all about what makes me a good homemaker and I haven't even touched on that yet. Don't worry, I'm going to now. I think that the first thing that makes me a good homemaker is my love for my family. Now, I'm not saying that a working mom doesn't love her family. What I'm saying is because my family is so very much the focus of my life, it pushes me to create a warm, welcoming and homey space for all of us. I'm excited about the fact that this week (hopefully), I'll be in the boys' room working on re-organizing it and making it a functional space for them. I don't mind doing laundry because every time I fold one of their shirts or match a pair of socks, I'm reminded just how lucky I am to have them.

Organizing is another strength that I have. I'm a natural organizer. I can walk into a space and see where things should go. My grandmother never understands why I don't re-arrange furniture. It's because when I came into the empty room, I saw exactly where it should go and there's no reason to move it. I have an instinct for space, I guess. Now, that doesn't mean that sometimes I don't have to get creative, but creativity is probably another of my strengths.

I enjoy the challenge of figuring out where everything goes. Since we don't have a lot of extra money to buy fancy storage units, sometimes I have to be creative and re-use what we already have here or is easily available to us. I enjoy looking around my house and discovering something that's just been laying around that can now be used in the boys' room to store socks or underwear (they don't have any drawers).

I think the last thing (at least that I'm going to write about) that makes me a good homemaker is knowledge and a willingness to try to do new things. I've discovered over the past 14 years, since I've been out of the family home, that there's no wrong way to clean a house. What's important is that you try. It doesn't have to be perfect. My boys came into the house on Friday and they noticed the kitchen and told me how great it looked and how proud of me they were. Was the kitchen perfect? Nope. The floor really needed to be swept and the counters probably needed a quick wipe down. They didn't care that it wasn't perfect. They cared about the fact that they could walk in and not trip over a stray grocery bag on the floor and that there was clean silverware in the drawer. And to me, there's nothing more rewarding than knowing that my family has clean underwear in their drawer/bin and clean dishes in the cupboard. They didn't have to wait for mom to wash a cup. They just had to go to the cabinet and get one down. Let me tell you, there's no sweeter thing in the world than your child coming up to you and saying, "Wow, mom you worked hard. I'm proud of you and I love you."

And that's what makes me a good homemaker..that my family has given me a home to make for them.


* A friend of mine heard me talking about what it is that I do and asked me to write about this topic for the blog.

Wednesday is here and each week I'll have to decide if I want to do a Wordless Wednesday or Works For Me Wednesday. This week, I've decided to do a Wordless Wednesday because I can't think of a darned single tip that might be useful to anyone..lol. On top of that, I have two boys who dessssperately need to eat right now and laundry waiting for me. I feel like I'm being stalked by socks and underwear. Does anyone else ever get that feeling? So, now..before they eat each other instead of the bologna sandwiches that are waiting downstairs for them....This week's Wordless Wednesday:

My list:
1. Print out extra credit.
2. Put together and mail out Abby's package.
3. Buy book of stamps.
4. Finish dishes
5. Put out recycling.
6. Finish reading 1st chapter for close relationships
7. Study for Biopsych test.
8. Blog post from flickr pics.
9. Put batteries in charger.
10. Sign Christmas cards.