*Yaaaaawwwwwn* Holy cow, I am so sleepy today! I blame yesterday..lol! For those of you wondering about yesterday's tackle, it turned out just fine. In fact, in some ways, it was as if 15 years hadn't gone by. We met up at Denny's and just hung out there for hours and hours and hours, talking. In fact, it was something like 1:30am before I crawled into bed. Sadly, I'm starting to think I'm getting too old to be out that late..lol!

Now, I know that you all also want to know the theme over at Sunday Shutterbugs. Really guys, you could just go look yourselves. *grins* This week's theme is Eek! The girls, as always, have some incredible photos. I am always in awe at their skills with a camera. Thank goodness, they let us amateurs participate as well!

This is Marmalade. He's our new orange kitty and as you can see, he was having some problems climbing up onto the desk chair. Don't worry though! Mr. Bronty reached out his long neck and helped him finish climbing up there. Marmalade is the newest edition to the Baa & Friends gang. For more information about them, check out Baa & Friends. Not all of it is currently viewable because our account expired, but hopefully that will be corrected soon.

I had originally planned on writing about this come the weekend, but my heart is leading me to write about it today. I'm sure that some of you have seen that Kristen, over at We Are THAT Family, is in Kenya right now. She's blogging her trip with Compassion International. Every time I read one of her posts, my heart aches and I sit, staring at my screen, with tears running down my face. I so often forget just how lucky I am to have what I have and when I read her posts, I am reminded just how good we have it here.

The more I read her posts, the more I'm called to do something. While I would love to go to one of these countries and work with these children, I don't know that I could do that right now. However, I can do something here at home. I can volunteer. I can get out of my house, even if it's for a few hours each month, and I can help someone.

With that in mind, I visited Habitat for Humanity last Friday. I briefly mentioned it in my post yesterday. They're one of the few organizations that I know of in this area. The truth is, I felt drawn to stop in there. When I went into Hastings, I had no intention of going there. I also had no intentions of eating lunch at the restaurant that I went to. It was in that restaurant that I was presented with the chance to do something. Looking down at my placemat, I saw an ad for the ReStore and it said they were always looking for volunteers. I don't know why, but I decided to stop in. I think they were as surprised as I was. I guess they don't get very many "non required to" volunteers. Most of their volunteers are people who have been court ordered to do community service.

It turns out that volunteering there is really easy. I have to fill out a simple form, put my name down on the calendar and show up. They're not building any homes right now, but they are looking for someone to work in their ReStore, manning the cash register and helping out with any customers. To be honest, I'm really excited about this. Their store is a bit of a dump and I'm hoping that they'll allow me to organize it and clean it up some. Even if they don't, I'm at least giving back and helping others and that does my heart good.

Will you give back? There are so many opportunities out there and some you can do right from home. Have you considered sponsoring a Compassion child? It's amazing how much of a difference you can make in a child's life with the amount of money you might spend on one family dinner out. We can't afford it right now, but trust me, it is on my list of things we will do.

Who knows, maybe in another year, it will be me writing from some far off location while I help make a difference in the lives of some sweet children.

Wow, blogger is giving me fits today. I don't know what the story is with that, but I do hope it behaves long enough for me to get this post written and posted.

It's Tuesday and that means I have to tackle something. Today it won't be housework or bill paying or even finishing up my Crop Chocolate assignment. Today, it's nerves.

Sometime later today, I'm meeting up with my old high school boyfriend (Hi, Russ! (He's a new reader.)) for dinner and conversation. It's not a date, just two old people who haven't seen each other in a long time catching up and "reliving" old times. It's going to be so nice to get out of the house and have actual adult conversation. The thing is, I'm super nervous. Like butterflies doing the chacha in my stomach nervous. Why? Well, it goes back to that whole thing of being rejected (this guy dumped me not once, but twice!) and well, let's face it, I don't look like I did in high school. I know, I know...nobody does. He doesn't and I certainly don't. The thing is that I've put on a ton of weight since high school and well, this guy was like my first love. You never forget your first love, right? Imagine meeting up with him 16 years (yes, I'm that old) after the last time he saw you. Imagine that the last time he saw you was when he very dramatically broke your young teenage heart. Now, I bet you understand my nervousness.

But, I'm going to be brave. I'm going to ignore those nerves and I'm going to drive into Grand Ledge/Lansing and meet up with him. It's not as if he's going to break my grown up heart, right? Right. Ok, glad we got that settled. Now that it is, I'm off to work on a final Crop Chocolate project while I ponder what to wear. Ugh, I am such a girl!

Whew, what a weekend this turned out to be. Shopping, stopping at Habitat for Humanity and van repairs on Friday. Oh along with a trip to the post office and lunch at Mills Landing. I had a really delicious grilled ham and cheese sandwich along with super yummy french fries. It was kind of sad eating lunch all by myself in a crowded restaurant though. See? This is why I need a friend.

Let's see, Saturday was all about bookshelf assembly. I got one of the bookshelves done on Friday afternoon, but the other two went up on Saturday. I have to say that already they have made a huge difference. I have totally cleared out the giant stacks of books in the living room. I wish I had taken before pictures, but I didn't and I'm not recreating it just for blog prosperity. Saturday night was also the night of the Katie meltdown but we're past that and if you don't know about it, well, there's a post if you want to know.

Sunday was better. I wrote up the previously mentioned post and continued moving books around the house. I have a large bookshelf that got warped due to water damage in my last apartment. It bugs the tar out of me that so much of my furniture got damaged because my "friend" didn't believe me that the whole place leaked like a sieve. Anyway, let's not dwell on the negative, here. So, this one shelf totally refuses to stay put and keeps falling out. Of course, it's also the shelf that is at perfect kitty height so Byron likes to hang out on it from time to time. That didn't help. Yesterday, I got a hammer and some nails and I managed to get one of the nails from the outside of the frame into the shelf to help hold it in place. The umm...other nail, missed and I can't get it back out without prying it with a screwdriver. The shelf has managed to stay in place while 2/3 loaded for almost 24 hours now so I'm pleased.

Let's see, that brings us to Sunday night when a bag of popcorn tried to burn down my house. I foolishly believed that the company knew just how long that bag of microwave popcorn should remain in the microwave. Well, they didn't and with about 45 seconds left on it, I glanced into my kitchen to see thick dark smoke pouring from the microwave. In the amount of time it took me to go from living room to kitchen (let's say 15 seconds to pretend I'm really slow), the entire kitchen was filled with this smoke and more was billowing from the microwave. I managed to get the microwave open (and off) and a window open before having to vacate the room. It was bad, folks. Really bad. I did however learn 4 important things from it:

1. Do not trust companies when they say microwave popcorn should be in for 4 minutes. Trust your instincts.
2. Having the windows open when it's 27 outside makes the inside rather chilly.
3. That smell will just not go away.
4. Our smoke detector downstairs doesn't work.

Don't worry, I'll be looking into lesson 4 before the day is out. I suspect a dead battery is the culprit there.

Now, on to this week's menu:
Monday- Pasta
Tuesday- Steak w/ Tatos & Broccoli
Wednesday- Chicken & Dumplings
Thursday- Roast w/ carrots & tatos
Friday- Cheeseburgers
Saturday- Mac n Cheese w/ hamburger
Sunday- Leftovers

There we go. That looks like one yummy week of food.

Last night I did something that makes me very sad in the light of today. I didn't win the challenge at OrgJunkie and my reaction was unacceptable. Instead of being thrilled for someone that I had been rooting for, I fell apart. I sat on my couch, tears streaming down my face, feeling sorry for me. Even as it was happening, part of me was wondering what the heck was going on with me. I know what was happening. I had let myself and others convince me that I was a shoe in to take first prize and when I didn't even get 3rd, I took it personally. It was no longer about the room or the work I had done, it was about me. It wasn't why didn't they like my room. It was what did I do wrong? What did I do to fail?

Umm...fail? What? How the heck is taking a room filled to the brim and turning it into a wonderful, open space that my entire family can use a failure? It's not. It's a major accomplishment. So, why did I seem to suddenly think I was a failure just because two women thought someone else's room was better? Why did I let not placing in a contest determine my self worth, even if it was for an hour?

I think it goes back a long time, probably back to high school at least. I've felt, for at least that long, that it doesn't matter how hard I try, I'll never be good enough. I worked my tail off for a good high school gpa and still wasn't even nominated for honor society. During parts of my marriage, I tried hard to give us a nice, clean and organized home and while Peter is a really good guy, he often focused on what hadn't gotten done. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and applied to be an officer in an honor group during my BA and was told thanks, but no thanks.

Now, I'm not blaming any of the people involved. I'm only saying that when it happens over and over again, eventually you start thinking it must be something wrong with you and it becomes harder and harder to step outside your comfort zone and to try new things. I know I've let it do that to me.

I used to be an internet dj. If things ever go totally right, I will be again. I think I was pretty good at it. One guy, who was a "real dj", actually suggested to me that I go down to my local station and see if they were hiring. Why didn't I? I was afraid that if I went down and asked, they would listen to me try and tell me I wasn't good enough. I have a constant fear of not being good enough.

Good enough for who? or for what? Well, just about anything. I worry that I'm not going to have this house clean enough or good enough and Peter is going to not want to let the boys come here or he'll call CPS and they'll say the boys can't come. I worry that if I get remarried, I won't be a good enough wife/house keeper/whatever and he'll leave me. I didn't apply for Grad school, in part, because I was afraid they'd reject me. I think maybe I don't have any friends because I'm so scared I won't be good enough for them to want to be my friend.

And yes, I look at the relationships in the blog world and think wow, someone like ____________ could never be my friend. They're way out of my league. Let's face it, that's just defeatist thinking, it's not even funny. That fill in the blank person is just a person, like me. They're not better or worse than me. They're just a person. Yes, their blog gets tons and tons more hits than mine. Yes, they have so many followers that I'm always amazed when they see something I've tweeted or written. But, at the end of the day, they're still people like me.

I know that my fears aren't always rational. I know where most of them stem from. I know the damage a missing or neglectful parent can have on a child and how that can stretch into adulthood. I also know that the only way to stop it is to face it and deal with it. I also know that there are often many more failures before successes happen. I know that if I want my blog to become something that's at the level of 5minutesformom.com or We are THAT family then I have to do that. No one is going to do that for me. I also need to try to build relationships with those people who have done it so that I can learn from them.

The bottom line is: Last night, I indulged myself in some seriously defeatist thinking and all it got me was heartache. Laura at OrgJunkie doesn't know me from Adam so how could it possibly have been about me? It wasn't. My room wasn't to the judges personal taste. That's fine because it's to our personal tastes. Is the room my dream room? Nope. Is it a room that is still undergoing some changes and is it a room that my family already loves? Yes. I wasn't a failure. This room is a huge success and I have a page worth of comments telling me how great it looks now. The opinions that truly matter are the opinions of those who use this room. Just because the judges didn't like it doesn't mean that I am some sort of Organizational Failure.

I am not a failure. I'm not an organizational failure or any other kind of failure. I'm a woman who is finding her way and who isn't going to give up. Will the fear grab me by the neck sometimes? Yes. Will I let it continue to hold me down? No. I can make the changes I need to make and I can be somebody. No, I already am somebody. I am going to make a difference in this world, even if it's only one blog post at a time.

I've been meaning to write this post for days, but life got the best of me again. However, I consider it something very serious and wanted to make sure that I did take/make the time to write it.

Usually, my posts tend to be fairly lighthearted and sometimes very silly. However, I'm warning you now that this post is going to be serious. What I'm writing about isn't a joke or anything to joke about.

As I've posted here before, my oldest son, Ben, has Cerebral Palsy. This is a condition that was caused by the circumstances of my pregnancy with him. It's nobodies fault, it's just something that has happened. My body has issues with being pregnant and Ben's was an incredibly not normal pregnancy. The truth is, we are very lucky and blessed that he's here with us. If my doctor hadn't watched me/us like a hawk, he might not be.

When Ben was younger, he didn't walk at the same age that other kids did. In fact, he didn't take his first steps until he was 33 months old. At one point, he was walking with a walker. Even now, Ben doesn't walk quite like other children do.

Why am I explaining all of this? Well, it's because people notice when kids are different. They notice a child walking with a walker or a child that sometimes falls down in the middle of a store. They notice things and let's face it, they're not always polite about it. I've heard the whispers when we've been out in stores and they hurt my heart because it's my baby that they're whispering comments about. It's during those moments that I've heard the "R" word being used.

I know that some of you may not know what the "R" word is so I'm going to say it once and only once because it's a word that I've personally banned from my vocabulary as well as the vocabulary of my children. The word is Retard or Retarded.

I've heard these horrible words applied to my son simply because he doesn't walk or run or do physical things like many other children. I've hoped and prayed that he has never heard those whispers because I know how damaging they could be to him. Those words have such an ugly connotation. I never want him to hear those words and think that he's stupid (another banned word in our household), dumb or incapable of learning.

The truth is that he's far from any of those things. Ben is actually a good student and for the most part is doing really well in a mainstream classroom. I want to implore all of you, whether you're a regular reader or just stopping in for this post, to remove this word from your vocabulary. Stop and think before you speak. Even if you're not referring to someone, you never know who might overhear it. Every person and child is special and hearing such a word used (whether or not you're referring to them) can be horribly damaging. Yes, there are people and children out there who have learning difficulties. There are some who may never learn above a toddler's level. However, instead of using words that could harm them and perhaps even add to their difficulties, use words that will uplift and encourage them.

On a bit of a connected note, don't be afraid to ask questions. As a parent of a "special needs" child, I would much rather have you approach me and ask me (in a polite manner, of course) about my son than to make assumptions and perhaps have you end up saying something that could cause harm to him. Like any parent, I'm incredibly proud of him and of what he has accomplished. I'm also very aware of how he's different. Go ahead, give me a chance to brag about how he's learned to jump. Let me tell you about our journey and maybe instead of an assumption, you'll walk away with some new knowledge and you never know, maybe a new friend.

PS If you would like to make a pledge to remove these words from your vocabulary, check out http://www.r-word.org/

Woo! It's the weekend! I'd love to say that I'm going to spend it relaxing, but that's just not so. I bought 3 bookshelves yesterday and I only got one of them assembled. The other 2 are going upstairs so they had to wait for daylight. I'm super excited about getting these because they're going to make a huge difference here.

Want to know about something else that can make a huge difference? Well, let me tell you about UPS and what they did. In 2007, they decided to avoid left turns! What difference does that make? Well, it can actually make a huge difference. When you're sitting idling, waiting to make that left turn, you're burning gas. When you're burning gas, you're adding more pollution to the air. Don't believe me? Check this out:

By simply avoiding left turns, UPS saved over 3 million gallons of gas across its fleet. And, by not idling so long while waiting to make a turn, the company took the equivalent of 5,300 cars off the road.

Wow! That's some serious carbon footprint reduction plus with gas prices the way they are, it certainly never hurts to keep more of that gas in the tank.